In a much needed triumph for the under pressure Conservative party, its leadership of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea has received recognition for its role in the Grenfell Tower fire.
“It’s been a difficult year to be a Tory. To have to argue for separation from the continent when it risks easy access to your gite, and threatens the price of claret. Well, it’s against our interests, but if that’s what the poor want, as usual, their wish is our command,” said a spokesman.
“So it’s an unexpected pleasure to receive news that our efforts in efficient borough management have been recognised. Our urban advisers have confirmed that Royal Rassclart is one of the highest honours available. I confess, I’ve never heard the term before, but it’s great to have this opportunity to connect with a wider range of people in the capital.
“Lee Jasper promises me it’s okay and we should definitely attend.”
The ceremony is expected to be over-subscribed by Tory attendees, many of whom confess they haven’t met an actual black, well, not unless you count that time Petra’s friends blacked up as the West Indies Cricket Team for a Caribbean themed party.
The organiser of the Royal Rassclart Awards, Kelechi Innocent, said “This will be an excellent opportunity to get all these worthy people in one place so the community can demonstrate our approval ratings for them.”
Kelechi refused to confirm whether she was personally making the Rassclart Award, but confirmed there would be lashings of claret as requested.
Meanwhile the rest of us await news that sprinklers have been commissioned for retrofit anywhere other than the Houses of Parliament.