A poor deluded fool from Rochdale has convinced himself that he and his long term partner are getting a puppy instead of a baby.

Steve Dickinson from Rochdale is said to be extremely excited at the prospect of getting a dog as it will delay having to get married and have babies for at least another five years.

The dog, which is being described by male friends as a stop-gap and by female friends as a dry-run will, according to experts, not delay the inevitable by so much as a day.

“I’ve always wanted a dog. They make great companions. It’ll be nice to have something to feel responsible for, you know to love and look after.”

“But it’ll also be nice to be able to lock it in the downstairs bog when we go out on the piss.”

“I mean, we’re not ready to settle down just yet, I’m only 36. We’ve got loads of travelling to do, we’ve agreed. We’ll give it another four or five years and then we’ll start thinking about maybe starting a family.”

Steve’s partner Barbara is ovulating.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.