Science and Technology

A top Agricultural scientist at Cambridge University has revealed that potatoes cannot grow behind or even in a persons earlobe. This shock news comes after hundreds of years of false lies, spread by Mothers,...

In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from boarding ships. In the ongoing battle to protect Britain from hordes...

Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.

Health Secretary Jeremy C. Hunt has responded to Hawking's criticism of NHS reforms in a series of tweets, which are pompous even by Hunt's high standards. The extraordinary war of words between Hunt and...

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime numbers. A prime number is a number that can only be...

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed, among the membership of right-wing groups. Doctor Jean Splicer, 42, has...

A Rochdale man who got tired of struggling to explain what his job is, so that people could understand what he does, now just tells people he's a drug dealer instead. 29 year old Bill...

In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe. The BBC's face of astronomy, Professor Brian Cox, made the announcement to the assembled...

Fruit salads may cause cancer, top Latvian scientists have found. The study, published in Eat My Carcinoma, has sent shockwaves through fruit communities and undermines the long-held belief that this ancient food can help...

Gobsmacked attendees at the inaugural CES (Consumer Electronics Show) at Burnley Community Centre looked on in awe as Samsung unveiled its Galaxy S1 mobile phone to the northern town. One open-mouthed spectator, Stanley Onions,...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus. “We’ve been happily...

Professor Eleanor Goodchild of the Cliff Claven Linguistics faculty at Rochdale Community University has published her findings on Male Answering Syndrome ('MAS'). The Herald's Baz Cordouroy tells us more. Professor Goodchild's study aims to put...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal to, zero. Professor Lance Boyle of the University of Rochdale said...

A failed physicist and lapsed university lecturer has lamented online about his inner anxieties.

The Government has announced a vague and ill thought out plan to start a space program instead of electrifying the TransPennine Express railway line. A Government spokesman said, "After doing a full audit of the...

Microsoft have announced today that they have finally finished fannying about with Windows and Microsoft Office. The news has been met with widespread concern by people who aren't sure if twenty thousand different fonts in...