Particle physicists admit Hadron Collider has caused slow end of universe
It is 2 years since the upgrade and usage of the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) back in Feb 2014.
Concerns were raised by non-physicists...
Trident Subs: Gotta catch ’em all
Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear...
5G blamed for amnesia as thousands of twats forget to be Islamophobic
Amidst growing concern from the internet's top pseudo-scientists about the risks posed by mobile technology, yet another coal has been added to the fire.
According...
Government to tackle loneliness in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots
The government has announced plans to tackle social isolation in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots.
The Department of Digital, Culture, Media &...
Britain to stop messing about and put the clocks back twenty years this October
Tony Blair woke this morning to find himself in the enviable position of a second chance at his legacy with the announcement the clocks...
Aliens call off attack due to lack of funny title for this article
Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today.
The...
Scientists confirm this is the weird parallel universe
After 2 years of unprecedented levels of worldwide idiocy, scientists have discovered that the parallel universe where weird shit happens is this one.
Popular...
Scientist confirms it’s impossible to grow potato behind an ear
A top Agricultural scientist at Cambridge University has revealed that potatoes cannot grow behind or even in a persons earlobe. This shock news comes...
Theresa May’s Incompetence, Like Great Wall of China, ‘now visible from the Moon’
NASA Astronauts have confirmed that Theresa May's staggering incompetence has joined the Great Wall of China as the second man-made object to be visible...
Part time Internet liberals mistake disagreeing with stuff with being offended scientist proves
Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don't know their arses from their elbows.
Atheists pilgrimage to Dawkins’ home after Darwin appears on toast
Hundreds of atheists have laid siege to the home of renowned ethnologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins after he reported finding an image of...
Parents ask kids to surf net to find solution to spending too much time...
Fresh fears regarding the overuse of the internet by youngsters has emerged, with experts suggesting that it should be compared to fast food. The...
?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure
The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed.
Ishit Yu Not,...
Heinz announces new alphabetti spaghetti for the blind
Purveyors of fine bean and pasta based tinned goods, Heinz, announced a new product this morning.
A spokesman told The Rochdale Herald:
"It's all about equal...
Monkey With Typewriter Writes ‘Donald Trump Is An Orangutan In A Suit’
There was great excitement at the Royal Institute For Statistical Improbability today.
Beppo, one of the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters trying to type...
Patriots actually just thick twats scientists prove
Scientists at Rochdale's Community University have proven conclusively that people identifying themselves on social media as "Patriots" are actually just thick twats.
