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Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

NHS Test and Trace Centre discovered on Venus

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A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence...

Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat

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A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat. Carl Isles, cycles the...

‘iPhone 7 best ever’ declare vacuous self obsessed brand whores

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We caught up with some douchebag in skinny jeans outside the Apple Store in the Arndale this afternoon: "I've been queuing since Saturday!" Travelling UPVC...

Heat from self-righteous can power the world

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...

BBC in new accusations of bias

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Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the...

Buzzfeed pulls ‘Which terrorist group are you?’ quiz after complaints

Entertainment website Buzzfeed has withdrawn its ‘Which terrorist group are you?’ quiz following user complaints. The website removed the quiz on Tuesday afternoon, and...
Daleks

Daleks to replace ‘exterminate’ slogan with ‘strong and stable’ for 2049 re-election bid.

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?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in...
Deep Space

Theresa May’s credibility leaves solar system

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Theresa May's credibility has become the third human-made object to travel into interstellar space less than two years after her mission began. It passed through...
Snapchat

Web Removes Facebook From Xmas Card List

The World Wide Web is sulking after Facebook got its birthday wrong.  Facebook flooded feeds with celebratory posts on the 23rd of August claiming the...

2016 still killing celebrities

Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview...

5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts

Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country. In an exclusive...

Taking are speling back!

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging...

Breaking: Climate Change Inevitable Declare Scientists

A leading group of scientists in the field of climate change and politicians from all over the globe on both the left and the...

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

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Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that...

iPhone users left feeling cheated

Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...

Streisand Needs To Pronounce Her Name Properly, Says Siri

Barbara Streizzand has used her fame as a has been screecher and ex-movie star to get Apple to alter the way Siri pronounces...

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