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White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn...

Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat

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A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat. Carl Isles, cycles the...
Snapchat

Web Removes Facebook From Xmas Card List

The World Wide Web is sulking after Facebook got its birthday wrong.  Facebook flooded feeds with celebratory posts on the 23rd of August claiming the...

EXCLUSIVE: Apple customers will be forced to install ‘iBalls’ to use new SCREENLESS iPhone...

Tech giant Apple has refused to comment on reports that customers will be forced to replace their own eyes if they want to use the new iPhone 9, which will be sold...
extraterrestrials

Message from aliens intercepted. 

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Scientists at the Laval University in Quebec have intercepted what they believe to be a message from extraterrestrials. The message was received encoded in modulations...

Farage either ‘Innumerate’ or ‘Hypocritical Dickwad’ says Brian Cox

Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.  "Farage has spent months...

Heat from self-righteous can power the world

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...
Theresa May

May gives UK schools education 101

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Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the...

Physicist angry that with infinite universes, he got one with Trump in it

A failed physicist and lapsed university lecturer has lamented online about his inner anxieties.

Theresa May’s Incompetence, Like Great Wall of China, ‘now visible from the Moon’

NASA Astronauts have confirmed that Theresa May's staggering incompetence has joined the Great Wall of China as the second man-made object to be visible...

Computer driven people are a menace say self-driven cars

Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend. In a...

Microsoft worker takes Apple to court

Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot...

Nobel Prize winning Physicist trying to delete U2’s album from iTunes

One of the winners of the 2019 Nobel Prize in Physics, Michel Mayor has told the Rochdale Herald that despite his award being announced...

South African Scientist Discovers Free Non-Polluting Energy Source

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Imagine the scenario: you are in a pub, when a local starts spouting racist nonsense. You have an overwhelming desire to stand up and...

Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...
Scientist

People with personalised number plates are knobs, according to latest research

Antisocial anthropologist Dr Alec Smartt revealed this astounding fact in his dissertation entitled "Discerning the class differentials in a post-modern classless society". Dr Smartt's...

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