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White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat

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A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat. Carl Isles, cycles the...

Trump Outraged To Learn of Invention of Phonograph

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Taking to Twitter, So Called President Trump rounded on critics of his administration within the media, and their underhand strategy of recording stuff. "Edison fake American....
Scientist

Scientists prove warm prosecco only explanation for Love Island

A scientific study has been released that shows that Love Island can only be explained by warm prosecco. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college told...
Brian Cox's Flat Earth

Brian Cox concedes Earth is flat after spotting massive rounding error

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Astrophysicists around or rather, across the world are in turmoil after Oldham-born pop-rock sensation, Professor Brian Cox today admitted that the Earth is...

All toddlers are Tories scientists confirm

Scientists from the Institute For Politicised Childhoods have announced the results of extensive testing, on toddlers, in laboratories. "They're all Conservatives, by and large." Dr....

Theresa May’s Incompetence, Like Great Wall of China, ‘now visible from the Moon’

NASA Astronauts have confirmed that Theresa May's staggering incompetence has joined the Great Wall of China as the second man-made object to be visible...

BBC in new accusations of bias

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Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the...

South African Scientist Discovers Free Non-Polluting Energy Source

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Imagine the scenario: you are in a pub, when a local starts spouting racist nonsense. You have an overwhelming desire to stand up and...

Yahoo’s Head of IT Security asks Have you tried turning it off then on...

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The Global Head of IT Security for Yahoo has moved swiftly to support customers and dispel rumours of incompetence. VP of IT Security Brian Hodgkins,...

Part time Internet liberals mistake disagreeing with stuff with being offended scientist proves

Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don't know their arses from their elbows.

Heinz announces new alphabetti spaghetti for the blind

Purveyors of fine bean and pasta based tinned goods, Heinz, announced a new product this morning. A spokesman told The Rochdale Herald: "It's all about equal...

Heat from self-righteous can power the world

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...

1 billion Yahoo users ‘not arsed’ about forgotten Yahoo accounts being hacked

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Ancient search engine and former email provider, Yahoo, has admitted that 1 billion of its users security has been breached. Yahoo, which was once a...
Cigar Shaped Asteroid

Cigar Shaped Asteroid Ouamuamua’s violent past hints he’s from Blackburn

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Space - Mere months after it was revealed Om.. Oom.. that cigar shaped asteroid, was believed to have come from a distant solar system,...

Trump marks 50 years since Abraham Lincoln walked on Mars

Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars. A spokesman for POTATUS said,...

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

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Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that...

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