Home Other News Science and Technology

Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone 7.The move has been slammed by Christian critics of Apple...
Daleks

Daleks to replace ‘exterminate’ slogan with ‘strong and stable’ for 2049 re-election bid.

?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in 2049 will be spear-headed by a new slogan, one more...

Part time Internet liberals mistake disagreeing with stuff with being offended scientist proves

Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don't know their arses from their elbows.
Pram

Engineer designs pram that fits in boot of car

Rumours are circulating around the World's scientific community that the man who has designed a pram that fits in the boot of a car is hotly tipped to win the Nobel Prize for Science.Isambard...

Irish Garda stalk Stephen Hawking in Richard Dawkins blasphemy mix up

After the recent news that Stephen Fry is to be stoned to death by Irish authorities for calling God 'a bit of dick', the Irish Garda are now considering prosecuting other celebrity blasphemers.The most notable example...

Samsung unveil S1 at Burnley Tech Conference along with steam iron and Flymo

Gobsmacked attendees at the inaugural CES (Consumer Electronics Show) at Burnley Community Centre looked on in awe as Samsung unveiled its Galaxy S1 mobile phone to the northern town.One open-mouthed spectator, Stanley Onions,...

Elon Musk to harness teenage angst as source of renewable energy

South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource".A spokesperson for Mr Musk, who has made astonishing breakthroughs in other forms of...
Brian Cox's Flat Earth

Brian Cox concedes Earth is flat after spotting massive rounding error

Astrophysicists around or rather, across the world are in turmoil after Oldham-born pop-rock sensation, Professor Brian Cox today admitted that the Earth is indeed flat.Prof. Cox dropped the bombshell on the scientific world...

Man whose toast popped at the same time as his kettle boiled causes black...

A Welshman had a shock today when a black hole opened in his kitchen.The man, who can't be named because his name is unpronounceable in Welsh, told us that the black hole opened...

Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn in as the new president of Flat Earth Society.Establishment figureheads...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed.Ishit Yu Not, a 33-year-old North Korean doctor with a gun to his...
Aliens

Aliens call off attack due to lack of funny title for this article

Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today.The green, eight-fingered, slimy Q’Luurfbians had planned to invade this coming...
Prime Numbers

Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime numbers.A prime number is a number that can only be...

Left wing idiots as gullible as right wing idiots Scientists discover

Left wing idiots are are as gullible as right wing idiots scientists at Rochdale Community University Bullshit Studies Department have discovered.
Remote pointing at TV

GCHQ Samsung smart TV hack reveals threat to UK

WikiLeaks revelations that GCHQ has hacked into Samsung smart TV sets to turn them into listening devices has revealed some fascinating facts impacting on national security.A GCHQ spokesman said that operation Weeping Angel has...

Crap internet in rural Scotland and Wales is good for the NHS says Westminster

One in five people, or 20% of the people in large areas of Scotland and Wales have not been online in the last three months because of poor internet provision, according to the Office...

Follow us

44,485FansLike
49FollowersFollow
18,423FollowersFollow
13,610FollowersFollow

Popular Posts