The next update to Apple’s iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone 7.

The move has been slammed by Christian critics of Apple all over the World, particularly in the United States. Pastor Greg Locke told Mashable;

“This is a Christian country first and foremost. First they tried to remove God from Schools and Government and now they want to remove God from my iPhone. Next thing they’ll be saying is students can’t take guns to school. I say no, God bless Android and God bless America.”

The UK’s response to the news about Christian symbology being replace on iOS has been a little more restrained. A spokesman for Downing Street told The Herald;

“There are many Muslims living here now and we’re taking in lots of refugees every year. Anything that helps them to settle in is a good thing. I suppose a few emojis won’t hurt anybody. Is this really newsworthy? I’ve got Brexit to deal with you know.”

Apple’s European Head of PR and Religious Outreach, Brett Summersby told us;

“Christian emojis are being used less and less every year whilst the use of Islamic symbology, particularly in Europe, is booming. You wouldn’t believe how many more people are using the little brown chap with the turban every year, it’s incredible. So we thought it was time to do something to better reflect the religious beliefs of our users. I mean we’ve all seen the pictures of refugees, they’ve ALL got iPhones. I’ve seen the numbers, trust me, soon we’ll all be using them.”

When we pointed out that we’d always assumed the emoji with a turban was a Sikh. Brett stared blankly at us for a moment before quietly leaving the room.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.