Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

5G blamed for amnesia as thousands of twats forget to be Islamophobic

Amidst growing concern from the internet's top pseudo-scientists about the risks posed by mobile technology, yet another coal has been added to the fire. According...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...

Computer driven people are a menace say self-driven cars

Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend. In a...

1 billion Yahoo users ‘not arsed’ about forgotten Yahoo accounts being hacked

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Ancient search engine and former email provider, Yahoo, has admitted that 1 billion of its users security has been breached. Yahoo, which was once a...
Scientists

Scientist confirms it’s impossible to grow potato behind an ear

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A top Agricultural scientist at Cambridge University has revealed that potatoes cannot grow behind or even in a persons earlobe. This shock news comes...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to...

Nightmare for woman who cleans phone screen.

A woman who felt all was well in world and wasn't troubled by current media output was horrified to learn the truth today after...
Tangled Wires

Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists

A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics.  The physics department of...
Brian Cox

London not centre of Universe say astronomers

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In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe. The BBC's face of...

Breaking: Climate Change Inevitable Declare Scientists

A leading group of scientists in the field of climate change and politicians from all over the globe on both the left and the...

Twitter Breaks Under Strain of Highly Original Wit

Twitter was forced to set up thousands of new servers today after an Australian car safety campaign released pictures of Graham. Millions of original witsters...

Rochdale sex romp for Ozone Day

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Friday 16th of September was World Ozone Day but residents of a care home in Rochdale have been getting hot under the collar after...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...

Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss

The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...
Turkberry

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on...
Rochdale

Rochdale residents anger as DNA test reveals some are 60% potato

Rochdale residents have been angered by a DNA profiling study that showed that many weren't descendants of native Rochdaleans at all. The study, run by...

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