A Rochdale man who got tired of struggling to explain what his job is, so that people could understand what he does, now just tells people he’s a drug dealer instead.

29 year old Bill Board confided to our reporter, “Basically I analyse cells to identify specific proteins that signify a cell might have a disease.  After that, I analyse other proteins to see if they can be used against those diseased cells.

“Everyone I meet asks me what I do for a living. I tell them and their eyes roll over, then they either make some quip about superpowers that I don’t understand, as I’m not into sci-fi, or they ask me if I can make bombs.”

Bill’s mother, Fanny said, “I’ve not known what he does since he was 15.  I remember, he used to come home with these huge books and study for hours. Now when he tells me I just nod and tell him it’s nice.”

She added, “To be honest, if he was a drug dealer it would be easier to understand.  Plus, I’d get the little frisson of excitement of visiting him in prison every so often, which would brighten things up no end.”

Even Bill’s colleagues don’t know precisely what it is he does.  Stan Still, who works in the laboratory alongside Bill, said, “I just give dogs tablets and see which ones drop dead.  I haven’t a clue what Bill does.  He did once explain to me but frankly, I lost all interest in it and changed the subject as soon as I reasonably could.”

Bill explained the thinking behind his decision, “When you tell people you’re a drug dealer it’s something they understand and can relate to. The women I tell seem to love it which has its advantages.  Manufacturing Heroin and Cocaine is a pretty straightforward  process so that’s much easier to explain.”

“The only downside is when you have to explain to the police what you actually do.  I regularly have to go through the explanation after as they’ve arrested me on suspicion of supplying supplied dodgy ecstasy to someone.

“I have to say though, if I were going to supply ecstasy I’d at least get the purity correct. Street dealers are amateurs when it comes to drug purification.”