There was protest in East Lancashire today, as plans by Vodafone & Nokia to launch a 4G mobile network on the lunar surface from 2019 meant the Moon would be getting the network upgrade before Burnley.
The controversial plans were put in place to improve the lunar surfaces paltry 3G service, meaning lunar rovers will be able to better stream data back to base for research, and crucially, for Astronauts to enjoy streaming Netflix and accessing Facebook to upload selfies from the Moon during missions, as well as boosting the service for workers of various corporations currently mining there. Ahem.
However, the news did not gone down well in Burnley, with local contacting the Herald via a carrier pigeon to register his utter disgust.
‘It’s a bleedin’ discrace we in Bunleh ‘ave once again been shunned fert Moon. I’m right behind with series coz o’t crap service we have, and the town modem has also been down for months. Sod the bloody Moon, I wanna see what happens to this Mike Baldwin fella in Coronation Street!!’
Former, past, present and current UKIP leader Nigel Farage was in Burnley ahead of the protest, and couldn’t resist once again sticking his gigantic brass cojones into the debate, by claiming 4G was a patriotic right ‘British 4G should be for British people, not some Lunar lay about ‘ he claimed while wincing after attempting to down a pint of Mild for a photo opp.
When questioned on the difference between his wife, who is from a lunar background, gaining access to 4G and other lunar inhabitants not being afforded the same privilege – Farage retorted ‘I think you know the difference.’