Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers
In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...
Rochdale residents anger as DNA test reveals some are 60% potato
Rochdale residents have been angered by a DNA profiling study that showed that many weren't descendants of native Rochdaleans at all.
The study, run by...
Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards
Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...
Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism
Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...
The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...
Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to...
If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets – say NASA
American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some...
No need for Artificial Intelligence, say robots
Robots at Rochdale Community University maintain that advancements in Artificial Intelligence (AI) are not necessary. I was invited to meet Robbie, a MK VII Hawking series robot, at the University's science lab last week.
Microsoft to finally stop buggering about with Windows
Microsoft have announced today that they have finally finished fannying about with Windows and Microsoft Office.
The news has been met with widespread concern by...
A new Pokemon Go addition announced today is the Govey
The rare Pokemon can be found near knife drawers and can be evolved from its natural Tory stage, to raging Racist Govenator stage to...
Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed
Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed.
After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour...
Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go
Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...
‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson
Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.
The company is believed to have lined up an...
People with personalised number plates are knobs, according to latest research
Antisocial anthropologist Dr Alec Smartt revealed this astounding fact in his dissertation entitled "Discerning the class differentials in a post-modern classless society".
Dr Smartt's...
Team behind the May-Bot to try turning it off and back on again
The Project May-Bot team have announced that due to recent poor performance and unexpected features being noted, they are looking into resetting the May-Bot...
May gives UK schools education 101
Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the...
Monkey With Typewriter Writes ‘Donald Trump Is An Orangutan In A Suit’
There was great excitement at the Royal Institute For Statistical Improbability today.
Beppo, one of the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters trying to type...
