Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts

Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country. In an exclusive...
angry man

Study finds link between hair loss and racism. 

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have uncovered the first clear links between racism and hair loss among men.  In an in depth study lasting nearly...

No need for Artificial Intelligence, say robots

Robots at Rochdale Community University maintain that advancements in Artificial Intelligence (AI) are not necessary. I was invited to meet Robbie, a MK VII Hawking series robot, at the University's science lab last week.

Daily Mail demands children be taught anatomy using dead bodies of their teachers

The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers....
Rochdale

Rochdale residents anger as DNA test reveals some are 60% potato

Rochdale residents have been angered by a DNA profiling study that showed that many weren't descendants of native Rochdaleans at all. The study, run by...
dolphins

Dolphins disappear across the globe as Trump Inauguration looms

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Oceans across the globe are feeling decidedly odd today after the entire planet's population of porpoises and dolphins completely and utterly disappeared overnight. "I really...
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

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In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from...

Apple to move to Battersea iStation

Apple have announced this week that they will be basing their future British tax evasion projects at South London's Battersea Power Station. Mayor Sadiq Khan...
Brian Cox

London not centre of Universe say astronomers

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In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe. The BBC's face of...

Climate change deniers blame solar panels for sucking all the light out of the...

Climate change deniers took to social media today to decry the damage being done by solar panels to the sun, which they blame for...

NHS Test and Trace Centre discovered on Venus

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A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence...
Traffic Jam

Chaos on Cambridge roads after Sat Navs hold minute silence for Stephen Hawking

There has been chaos today around Cambridge today after all the Sat Navs in the town spontaneously held a minute silence in remembrance of...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

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The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed. Ishit Yu Not,...

Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss

The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
Boris Johnson

‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson

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Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an...

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