Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Doctor

Veganism can be cured claim scientists

Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...

Apple Sues Samsung Over ‘Shit Battery’ ?Patent Infingement

Apple is to sue Samsung after the Korean electronics giant recalled its flagship Galaxy Note 7 smartphone after the battery repeatedly blew up during...
Aliens

Aliens call off attack due to lack of funny title for this article

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Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today. The...

Samsung unveil S1 at Burnley Tech Conference along with steam iron and Flymo

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Gobsmacked attendees at the inaugural CES (Consumer Electronics Show) at Burnley Community Centre looked on in awe as Samsung unveiled its Galaxy S1 mobile...
If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets - say NASA

If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets – say NASA

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American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some...
Doctor

Eating food causes cancer, says government scientist

This startling fact has now been scientifically proven and published in an official report. Restaurants will be forced to close after it was discovered...

New Britain First leader Wayne Cummings apparently not a made up name

Wayne Cummings has beaten off stiff competition from brothers Wayne Kerr and Yiwen Kerr to slide into interim role as Bellend-in-Chief of the UK's...

Taking are speling back!

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging...
Laptop

Laptop finishes update in time for the weekend

An office worker in Rochdale is celebrating this evening after his laptop finally finished updating just in time for the weekend. Dave Bloke from Milnrow...

Computer driven people are a menace say self-driven cars

Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend. In a...
Pram

Engineer designs pram that fits in boot of car

Rumours are circulating around the World's scientific community that the man who has designed a pram that fits in the boot of a car...
Sunglasses

‘Men only wear sunglasses to check out other women, like at weddings’ say Scientists

Claims have been made in a startling report that men only wear sunglasses so that they can check out other women without their wives...

Man who received double hand transplant can’t wait to “trim his hedge”

The first person in the UK ever to have a double hand transplant has told The Rochdale Herald that he can't wait to get...

20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer

A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to...

NHS partner with WhatsApp to reboot IT project

In a move to reduce costs and breathe new life into the long-abandoned £11.4 billion Centralised Records System, the NHS has announced a partnership...

Rochdale sex romp for Ozone Day

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Friday 16th of September was World Ozone Day but residents of a care home in Rochdale have been getting hot under the collar after...

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