Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Elderly people left speechless after discovering smart phone can make tea

19 year old student, Gary Downes, showed his Grandad Terance his new Samsung Galaxy S7 last week. "I was showing him all the latest cool...
If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets - say NASA

If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets – say NASA

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American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some...

EXCLUSIVE: Apple customers will be forced to install ‘iBalls’ to use new SCREENLESS iPhone...

Tech giant Apple has refused to comment on reports that customers will be forced to replace their own eyes if they want to use the new iPhone 9, which will be sold...
Doctor

Veganism can be cured claim scientists

Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...

Parents ask kids to surf net to find solution to spending too much time...

Fresh fears regarding the overuse of the internet by youngsters has emerged, with experts suggesting that it should be compared to fast food. The...

Microsoft to finally stop buggering about with Windows

Microsoft have announced today that they have finally finished fannying about with Windows and Microsoft Office. The news has been met with widespread concern by...

Trump Outraged To Learn of Invention of Phonograph

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Taking to Twitter, So Called President Trump rounded on critics of his administration within the media, and their underhand strategy of recording stuff. "Edison fake American....

Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism

Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...
Tangled Wires

Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists

A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics.  The physics department of...

5G blamed for amnesia as thousands of twats forget to be Islamophobic

Amidst growing concern from the internet's top pseudo-scientists about the risks posed by mobile technology, yet another coal has been added to the fire. According...

South African Scientist Discovers Free Non-Polluting Energy Source

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Imagine the scenario: you are in a pub, when a local starts spouting racist nonsense. You have an overwhelming desire to stand up and...

Supermoon is even bigger than your mum’s backside

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Content creators and tabloids are celebrating this week as the Supermoon article market shows little sign of slowing. "It's kinda the opposite of the so-called...

‘Childhood vaccines prolonged my agonising march towards death’ claims nihilist.

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A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence. Stephen...

A new Pokemon Go addition announced today is the Govey

The rare Pokemon can be found near knife drawers and can be evolved from its natural Tory stage, to raging Racist Govenator stage to...

5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts

Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country. In an exclusive...
Women research team at Rochdale's Community University

Women ‘Not Silly’ groundbreaking study reveals

Women may not be as silly as we first thought, a new study suggests. Researchers at the Rochdale's Community University observed one hundred female humans...

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