Laptop finishes update in time for the weekend
An office worker in Rochdale is celebrating this evening after his laptop finally finished updating just in time for the weekend.
Dave Bloke from Milnrow...
Trump marks 50 years since Abraham Lincoln walked on Mars
Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars.
A spokesman for POTATUS said,...
Scientists warn against wearing Ukrainian underpants because Chernobyl Fallout
Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.
New VW Eco-Diesel Car Scraps Itself In Event Of Ecological Disaster
Volkswagen announced the launch date for the VW Plannett Fuckerr, their new eco-friendly diesel family saloon today, assuring customers that this is 'the most...
Veganism can be cured claim scientists
Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...
Breaking: Climate Change Inevitable Declare Scientists
A leading group of scientists in the field of climate change and politicians from all over the globe on both the left and the...
Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism
Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...
Scientist confirms it’s impossible to grow potato behind an ear
A top Agricultural scientist at Cambridge University has revealed that potatoes cannot grow behind or even in a persons earlobe. This shock news comes...
Man whose toast popped at the same time as his kettle boiled causes black...
A Welshman had a shock today when a black hole opened in his kitchen.
The man, who can't be named because his name is...
Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis
The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...
Streisand Needs To Pronounce Her Name Properly, Says Siri
Barbara Streizzand has used her fame as a has been screecher and ex-movie star to get Apple to alter the way Siri pronounces...
BBC in new accusations of bias
Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the...
Government to tackle loneliness in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots
The government has announced plans to tackle social isolation in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots.
The Department of Digital, Culture, Media &...
Government digital service actually still analogue
The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...
Yahoo’s Head of IT Security asks Have you tried turning it off then on...
The Global Head of IT Security for Yahoo has moved swiftly to support customers and dispel rumours of incompetence.
VP of IT Security Brian Hodgkins,...
Cigar Shaped Asteroid Ouamuamua’s violent past hints he’s from Blackburn
Space - Mere months after it was revealed Om.. Oom.. that cigar shaped asteroid, was believed to have come from a distant solar system,...
