Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.

“People need to be careful of Ukrainian shreddies, you really don’t want to expose yourself” Dr Nikas Falloffalot told a press conference in the Ukraine.

“You should be very careful about where you buy your budgie smugglers from, if they are from the Ukraine you need to be very careful because Chernobyl Fallout.”

The town of Chernobyl is famous for Soviet underpants production in the 1970’s and 1980’s and exporting Fast Airborne Radioactive iso-Topes (FARTs) around Europe.

In other news Soviet era underpants have faulty buttons and you run the risk of your knob falling out.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.