Science and Technology

A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence of such a centre to be linked to emissions observed...

Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.  "Farage has spent months whining on about how political and judicial frameworks must not...

There was great excitement at the Royal Institute For Statistical Improbability today. Beppo, one of the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters trying to type the complete works of Shakespeare, wrote "Donald Trump is an...

Purveyors of fine bean and pasta based tinned goods, Heinz, announced a new product this morning. A spokesman told The Rochdale Herald: "It's all about equal opportunities and we feel the visually impaired are missing out...

Claims have been made in a startling report that men only wear sunglasses so that they can check out other women without their wives & girlfriends seeing where their eyes are going. The report,...

Scientists have devised a new unit to measure inactivity that they're calling the Corbyn. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, "We've been trying for some time to come up with a measure of...

One of the winners of the 2019 Nobel Prize in Physics, Michel Mayor has told the Rochdale Herald that despite his award being announced last week he is still trying to remove U2's latest...

Tony Blair woke this morning to find himself in the enviable position of a second chance at his legacy with the announcement the clocks are going back not one hour, but a full twenty...

Researchers from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that tea tastes loads better when somebody else has made it. Maurice Tips, Professor of Hot Beverages at the University's world famous Brew...

Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's trajectory. The news was first reported by California's Yackler Observatory...

The government has announced plans to tackle social isolation in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots. The Department of Digital, Culture, Media & Sport aims to have over 90% of the nation's pensioners...

There was protest in East Lancashire today, as plans by Vodafone & Nokia to launch a 4G mobile network on the lunar surface from 2019 meant the Moon would be getting the network upgrade...

The London Sleep Clinic has today confirmed that it should only be necessary to go to bed 17 more times before everyone regains the ability to use clocks and calendars to measure the passage...

A team of anthropologists and archaeologists from Rochdale Community College announced their exciting revelation about our ancestors on Thursday. They have confirmed that, before the 'iron age' everything was just creased. We managed to speak...

Antisocial anthropologist Dr Alec Smartt revealed this astounding fact in his dissertation entitled "Discerning the class differentials in a post-modern classless society". Dr Smartt's research focussed particularly upon successful people who have mysteriously risen...

In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from boarding ships. In the ongoing battle to protect Britain from hordes...