One of the winners of the 2019 Nobel Prize in Physics, Michel Mayor has told the Rochdale Herald that despite his award being announced last week he is still trying to remove U2’s latest album from his iTunes account.

Mayor told us, “It’s been a week since it was released and it still hasn’t sunk in. I’d been on a lecture tour and I’d not really had time to check my account.”

“Last Tuesday I checked my phone and realised I’d got a couple of messages. I checked thinking that there’s the possibility that it’s the Nobel committee but it turned out to be a message from Bono saying he hoped I’d enjoy the album.”

“By the next day I’d got 9 more messages about it. Anyway, I logged into iTunes and there it is sat there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no snob but I am a highly intelligent man. I’ve just won an award that demonstrates how immensely intelligent I am. I’m sure U2 are a fine band but their music lacks the depth and variation in rhythm and melody that I’m used to. The form is entirely simplistic which I suppose can be beautiful but isn’t really what I listen for. Anyway, I tried to delete it and it just won’t go away.”

He went on, “I’m friends with some people who are pretty good with computers. I work with a guy who designed the program for a mass spec instrument that was sent to Mars to analyse soil samples. He doesn’t know how to get rid of it either. Now I know how Winston Churchill’s dad must have felt when he was riddles with syphilis.”

Mr Mayor confirmed that he has written to Apple asking them to remove it but they were only able to advise that he by a wooden stake, fly to Ireland and drive it through Bono’s heart.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.