Brexit

UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson's use of statistics. Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to...

Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European Union will die after the Brexit negotiations are concluded. They are...

Leave the EU scientists found themselves stumped this afternoon when faced with a spoon. They had previously been asked to identify a knife and a fork, to work out what to do with them, but...

In proposals aimed to meet the agricultural sector’s labour needs post Brexit universities will be allowed to charge up to £4K a year for courses in fruit picking. The exciting change to higher education is...

An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it. The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the gammon, the very crackling of Parliament, to dissuade the speaker...

We met in a small cafe in Westminster. A reporter for the Rochdale Herald and Britain's youngest Brexit supporter. Shining another glass to make the hours pass. Working every day in a cheap cafe...

The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in April 2019. The banknote will be nicknamed ‘lost and found’ and...

Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, David Davis, has been chosen to hold the esteemed job of Westminster Village Idiot, beating off lots of competition in what has been described by judges...

Foreign to the truth Secretary Boris Johnson has attempted to evade responsibility for the calamity that Brexit has become by allegedly claiming he was under the influence every time he spoke on the subject...

In a shock development following its breakaway from Antarctica, the giant iceberg has applied for membership of the EU. A hastily formed government led by the president elect, K G Bird, said, "After years of answering...

Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal. Johnson told the Herald, "The trick with the dagos is to SPEAK LOUDLY...

Health officials in the United Kingdom issued warnings today regarding the consumption of a new species of magic mushroom called ‘Brexit brexitius’ as consumers experience hallucinations of £350M a week going to the NHS. The...

A study of mobility scooter battery life has shown that a Brexiteer led civil war would last 9 hours. 6 if the battles were waged on a 1:8 gradient hill. Military expert, Sir Peter Tatter-Smythe-Douglas...

It was announced last Friday that Ringmaster may’s Brexit circus will attempt to extend its world record breaking tour of Europe until 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten by a lion while in the...

There were refreshing bursts of honesty in the ritual Brexit update today when David Davis revealed he’s only just worked out he’s been attending PTA meetings and has no idea what’s been going on...

It is reported that every staff member on the exercise rapidly ripped a hole into the side of the giant, wet paper bag and emerged unscathed and rejuvenated, except David Davis, who seemed to struggle.