Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson granted protected geographical status by EU just like a Jersey potato

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The EU has announced this morning that it has listed Boris Johnson as a product of the United Kingdom with protected geographical status, just...

David Davis hospitalised after failing to negotiate his way out of wet paper bag

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It is reported that every staff member on the exercise rapidly ripped a hole into the side of the giant, wet paper bag and emerged unscathed and rejuvenated, except David Davis, who seemed to struggle.

Britain happy to be America’s toilet after Brexit and doesn’t fear a blockage

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Dr Liam Fox is in America this week offering the United Kingdom up as America’s toilet, after Brexit, and sees no risk of a...

City of Brighton & Hove to be shortened by 1 metre after Brexit

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Residents of Brighton & Hove were shocked to discover plans to shorten their city by 1 metre along it's East/West axis following Brexit. In 1972,...
David Davis

Man overseeing poorly equipped chaotic withdrawal from Europe describes Dunkirk film as inspiration

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One of Britain's chief Brexit negotiators has been saying how the film, Dunkirk has inspired him in his negotiations for Brexit. Cliff Edge told the...
Angry Man Shouting

Britain declares national state of Armagammon

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An emergency committee has confirmed that Britain faces an unprecedented state of 'Armagammon' today. One insider told us, "This is the highest state we could be...

Brexit Party candidate apologises for not wearing poppy on his Nazi uniform

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Brexit Party candidate Graham Cushway has been forced to issue an apology after being spotted without a Remembrance Day poppy on his Luftwaffe uniform. Mr...
Lego

Proposed Irish border solution scattered Lego bricks and sign saying ‘please remove shoes’

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Brexit negotiations have hit a "a real problem" over the issue of the Irish border, government sources have confirmed today. Hopes of a breakthrough were...

UK wakes up in shower and realises it was all a dream

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Season 6 of the failing blockbuster drama Brexiting Bad has plumbed new depths of plotting. Following episodes where lead character Boris Johnson got angry and...
Refugees Welcome

Fury as UK migration laws mean that London will be SWAMPED with Brummies by...

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Birmingham is a modern, cosmopolitan city whose motto, Forward, sums it up perfectly. The smug, self-serving shithole that is London is the reverse. With...
Titanic

British shipping businesses not optimistic enough about massive iceberg heading for Atlantic say Brexit...

2
The Brexit lobby has claimed the trillion tonne iceberg heading for the Atlantic from Antarctica is a challenge to British shipping interests to put...

Chinese restaurant closes after filling fortune cookies with prime minister’s slogans

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A Rochdale Chinese restaurant that served bespoke fortune cookies holding the prime minister’s slogans has abruptly closed. The owner of the restaurant, 72 year old...

Firefighters called to Downing St after woman stuck in windows retrieving solid policy document

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Reports this morning out of Downing Street say firefighters were called last night after a woman became stuck between two windows attempting to retrieve...

Failed withdrawal expected to lead to painful Labour

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Using the withdrawal method requires a high level of self-control.  Even then, the withdrawal method isn't especially effective. On the face of it (which is...
Blue Passport

Passports to be made in France as British firm De La Rue ruled out...

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Home Office confirms Franco-Dutch firm Gemalto will make Bleu passports. Controversy struck the UK this week after a mix up at the Home Office led...

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