Chinese restaurant closes after filling fortune cookies with prime minister’s slogans
A Rochdale Chinese restaurant that served bespoke fortune cookies holding the prime minister’s slogans has abruptly closed.
The owner of the restaurant, 72 year old...
Warnings issued magic mushroom Brexit brexitius causes hallucinations of £350M week for NHS
Health officials in the United Kingdom issued warnings today regarding the consumption of a new species of magic mushroom called ‘Brexit brexitius’ as consumers...
Gareth Southgate fields Boris in goal for Brexit bill penalty shoot out against Merkel’s...
This morning's news that the tussle over the Brexit divorce bill will be decided with a winner takes all penalty shoot out between England...
Britain invokes Dunkirk spirit of ‘running away’ as EC takes back control of Brexit.
Theresa May escaped from Brussels late last night, as a small flotilla of fishing boats each carried a tiny morsel of her shattered credibility...
Full blown Brexit testing on monkeys halted after everything in lab just f*cking died
David Davis, lead researcher in the government's secretive Brexit Lab, has announced that Brexit testing on monkeys has been halted after everything in the...
Moody’s downgrade UK credit rating to junk status after realising who’s in charge
It was announced this morning by a genuinely startled press that international rating agency Moody’s has downgraded the UK credit status to junk after...
Proposed Irish border solution scattered Lego bricks and sign saying ‘please remove shoes’
Brexit negotiations have hit a "a real problem" over the issue of the Irish border, government sources have confirmed today.
Hopes of a breakthrough were...
London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event
Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today.
The event will...
Man left fuming after blue passport cover turns out to be Prussian blue
A Rochdale man has spoken of his anger after his new blue passport cover turned out to be Prussian blue with gold lettering.
Cliff Edge...
‘Everybody in Scunthorpe will lose their jobs’ was on the other side of bus,...
Boris Johnson has taken to social media today to clear up any misunderstanding that the 66% of people who live in Scunthorpe and voted...
Possible to know same amount about Brexit by trying to hide from it as...
As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow...
Theresa May to rebrand Conservatives as People’s Front of Judea to present united front...
Many alternative names were considered. The United Front of Judean People. This was taken unfortunately by a group lead by David Davis and Sajid Javid. Splitters!
Britons to get easy sex after Brexit as the entire world lines up to...
Good news on the prospects with Brexit this afternoon as news broke that the entire world is lining up to provide easy sex for...
David Davis hospitalised after failing to negotiate his way out of wet paper bag
It is reported that every staff member on the exercise rapidly ripped a hole into the side of the giant, wet paper bag and emerged unscathed and rejuvenated, except David Davis, who seemed to struggle.
I have no idea what’s going on, says Will of the People
The infamous Will of the People has finally been outed by Rochdale Herald researchers. His real name is Will Fallfrit, and he has opened...
Brexiters excited to leave the EU posthumously
According to a recent poll, Leave voters up and down the country are excited at the prospect of leaving the EU posthumously.
Following continuous delays...
