Britons to get easy sex after Brexit as the entire world lines up to...
Good news on the prospects with Brexit this afternoon as news broke that the entire world is lining up to provide easy sex for...
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s statistics
UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson's use of...
We’re all going to die after Brexit, confirms Philip Hammond
Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European...
Theresa May outrages Japanese Prime Minister with deportation letter
British Prime Minister Theresa May has become embroiled in a diplomatic incident while visiting Japan after personally delivering a Home Office deportation letter to...
Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue
The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face...
Antarctical 50 signed, Bergxit means Bergxit
Today an area four times the size of London has broken away from the Antarctic landmass. It is a worrying example of rising sea...
Britons happy counting down the days till they lose freedom of movement
Everyone in Britain awoke this morning overjoyed to know they are one more day closer to losing their freedom of movement across Europe and...
Soon to be estranged husband proposes ‘transitional sexual union’
Under the suggested terms of the deal, Britton, 34, would remain in the family home for up to a further two years, and would be entitled to avail himself of all the sexual benefits associated with a normal marriage.
Corbyn sacks last of Shadow Cabinet who didn’t resign last year
In a shock move Friday Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn sacked all of his shadow ministers who didn't resign last year in protest at his...
Remain campaigners thwarted by import shortage of “I Told You So”s
Anti-Brexit campaigners are suffering from a shortage of "I Told You So"s, as "Project Fear" rapidly swings into "Operation I Told You So", as...
Brexit is actually really hard confirm millionaires who stand to inherit everything but brains
The Rochdale Herald has been briefed by a group of hardcore Brexit Conservative MPs who have confirmed that Brexit is actually really hard, even...
Brexit means famine, disease and war confirms Theresa May
A rowdy press conference found our embattled Prime Monster under pressure once again. Finally revealing the true meaning of Brexit as famine, disease and war,...
“Leave scientists” confused by spoon
Leave the EU scientists found themselves stumped this afternoon when faced with a spoon.
They had previously been asked to identify a knife and a...
Moody’s downgrade UK credit rating to junk status after realising who’s in charge
It was announced this morning by a genuinely startled press that international rating agency Moody’s has downgraded the UK credit status to junk after...
City of Brighton & Hove to be shortened by 1 metre after Brexit
Residents of Brighton & Hove were shocked to discover plans to shorten their city by 1 metre along it's East/West axis following Brexit.
In 1972,...
Failed withdrawal expected to lead to painful Labour
Using the withdrawal method requires a high level of self-control. Even then, the withdrawal method isn't especially effective.
On the face of it (which is...
