Police concern as Derbyshire sees record levels of panic hiking

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Police have appealed to members of the public to exert self restraint as hordes of bored walkers descended on Britain's highways and byways and...

Crap internet in rural Scotland and Wales is good for the NHS says Westminster

One in five people, or 20% of the people in large areas of Scotland and Wales have not been online in the last three...
The Canary Website

Shock as Canary dies from its own gas

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt was today in a position where he wasn’t just on the right, but in the right. That’s about as galling...
Calendar

Government Announces National Nothing Day.

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From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just...

Walkers still putting cheese and onion crisps in wrong coloured bag

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Walkers crisps have been told that they're putting cheese and onion crisps in the wrong coloured bag despite everyone knowing that they don't go...

Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday

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Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...
London Underground Train

TFL confirms London Underground to be extended to Scotland by 2021

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London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost...
Tim Farron

Party that said it would only form coalition with Tories confused why people think...

0
That bloke in charge of the Liberal Democrats and Vince Cable are confused today as people keep calling them Tory lite. “We’re totally against Brexit,”...
Star Wars Millennium Falcon

Millennium Falcon and on and on and on

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As fans eagerly anticipate the latest film in the Star Wars saga, Rogue One, plans have been revealed for yet more films to be made.
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg late for PMQ’s because he couldn’t find anywhere to park his horse.

18
Jacob Rees-Mogg apologised to the Prime Minster today, after arriving late for the PMQ’s at Westminster. Running over 25 minutes late; Rees-Mogg blamed the lack...
Theresa May

Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens

Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish". As finger after taloned finger...
Theresa May

Parliament email hack reveals 75% of May’s emails contain phrase “cocking fuck, what fresh...

11
Penetration of the heart of government by dodgy Russian hacker types has allowed innovative research. Statistical analysis of the government's emails has been published today...

Mary Berry to retire from television

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With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement...

Daily Mail Exposed as a False Newspaper

3
Jonathan Harmswoth, 4th Viscount of Rothermere, controlling shareholder and current chairman of the Daily Mail has finally come clean and admitted that the newspaper...

Pete Tong devastated after career ending snaps revealed

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Pete Tong was said to be devastated this morning after learning that his career as a top international DJ is effectively over. The former Radio...

Stop being rebellious formerly rebellious Labour rebel tells rebellious Labour rebels

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The formerly rebellious Labour rebel, Jeremy Corbyn, has told rebellious Labour rebels to stop being rebellious or else.

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