Labour MPs win right for toilet break during final vote on Brexit deal
After a tense round of debating in the house of commons Labour MPs succeeded in forcing through an amendment to the Brexit bill which...
Dickheads eaten by lions
At least three dickheads have been mauled to death and eaten by some lovely lions after breaking into a wildlife reserve in South Africa.
The...
Cliff Richard is absolutely, definitely not a nonce admits BBC
Rumours are spreading that CLiff Richards, who is not a nonce, is furious today after the BBC suggested that he had racked up unreasonable...
Glastonbury food vendors uproar after Jeremy Corbyn feeds festival with five loaves and two...
Food vendors at the Glastonbury festival have been in uproar today after Jeremy Corbyn fed the entire site using just five loaves of bread...
Brian Cox concedes Earth is flat after spotting massive rounding error
Astrophysicists around or rather, across the world are in turmoil after Oldham-born pop-rock sensation, Professor Brian Cox today admitted that the Earth is...
Tom Daley admits pissing in pool
Great British diving legend Tom Daley, who recently claimed Bronze in the synchronized diving with his partner (Dan something or other), has sensationally confessed...
English All Xenophobic Wankers – says Nicola Sturgeon without Hint of Irony
Nicola Sturgeon will today claim that “Godless English Imperial filth” are using Brexit as a “licence for xenophobia” and that the English “are secretly working to not be considered Wankers by absolutely everyone.”
Mime artist finds way out of glass box
Mime artists across the world are silently applauding the first ever recorded occurrence of a mime artist breaking out of a glass box.
There was...
Annual day of disappointment for fathers receiving crap presents
It's Father's Day and an annual day of depression for men across the nation as fathers are expected to sit, smile and feign appreciation...
Ugly scenes in Rochdale Waitrose as champagne socialists panic buy Brie and Balsamic Vinegar
Things took a turn for the decidedly unpleasant at the plush new Waitrose store in Rochdale's upmarket Shawclough Road area this afternoon as a...
Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue
The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face...
Gove dances The Macarena at Cenotaph, scores 9’s
Michael Gove danced a scintillating version of The Macarena at the Cenotaph, scored straight 9's but The Sun photographer missed it.
Today at the cenotaph...
Michael Gove is handsome and intelligent according to new YouGove poll.
A new poll by Britain's newest survey company has revealed that Michael Gove is both handsome and intelligent.
The new company, YouGove, polls members of...
Height supremacists promise New World Order will be with us shortly
Growing support for alt-height movement Height Supremacists have a new doyen in the shape of Sixtus Rees-Mogg. Rees-Mogg initially attracted support with a very modern...
People in Shock as Cameron steps down as MP because nobody knew he was...
Ex Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced he will quit his role as an MP, which has surprised almost everybody as we'd all...
Birds of Prey sue rock band the Eagles
In a landmark case the popular American rock band The Eagles are being sued by a flock of birds for use of the band's...
