Rees Mogg Farage

Massive bell end demands to hear massive bell end our EU relationship

11
Jacob Rees-moog is leading a rabble of conservative political bell ends drunk on Prosecco demanding to hear a big bell chime on the day...
The Pope

Pope declares all good atheists can go to heaven

0
In a surprise ecumenical encyclical from the Vatican, Pope Francis has indicated that atheists could be allowed to pass through the Pearly Gates and...
Tommy Robinson

‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail

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With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy...
Poundland

Poundland to rebrand as Two Poundland by March 2017

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Exciting news on the High Street as budget retailer Poundland announces a multi-million pound rebranding initiative.
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn wins prestigious Tony Blair peace prize

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Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it. The prize...
Del Monte

Man from Del Monte faces deportation

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Amber Rudd has confirmed that the Man from Del Monte is to be deported. The man who arrived in the UK in the 1980's recently...
Mike Pence

US replaces health insurance with crossed fingers, hoping and prayer

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There has been a wave of concern regarding universal access to healthcare across the United States after Donald Trump, Mike Pence and the GOP officially repealed Obamacare...

NHS Whistleblower Reveals 15,000 Children Prescribed E-cigs

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Thousands of smokers, who trusted NHS Smoking Cessation Therapies, were expressing their outrage this morning. The smouldering tempers result from the revelation that up to...
Donald Trump & Jermey Kyle

Donald Trump to appear on Jeremy Kyle Show

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Jeremy Kyle was said to be jubilant this morning after securing an exclusive appearance by Donald Trump. The show which is titled "Five children by...

Jennifer Aniston found dead after Schadenfreude overdose

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Jennifer Aniston was found dead this afternoon at her LA mansion after apparently overdosing on Schadenfreude following the news of the impending Brangelina split. Miss...

Passengers of runaway train have pointless argument over who should pretend they’re driving

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May means May Passengers on the 11:12 Eurostar return to Britain have had a pointless argument over who is driving.  The train, which is rapidly...
Queen and Philip

Queen’s speech delayed for halal vellum

2
"The ritualistic slaughter of goat is an essential pre-requisite for planned legislation in a parliamentary democracy." So said a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street...

Nick Clegg announced to appear on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

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After being metaphorically bludgeoned to death by his electorate, former MP and Liberal Democrats leader Nick Clegg has left politics with his reputation in...

Marvel say Super-Gonorrhoea ‘unlikely’ to feature in new Avengers movie

2
Marvel Studios have confirmed that there are currently no plans for the gonorrhoea 'superbug' to star in its next instalment of the Avengers franchise. Referred to...
Theresa May

Theresa May thrilled that Russia thinks she’s competent enough to stage poisoning

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Bill Board, spokesman for the Government, has told The Rochdale Herald that Theresa May is privately thrilled that the Russian Government has accused her...

Man made ‘hilarious’ comment but got no likes

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Brian Dunphy of Newbold saw an article on LadBible about Donald Trump and had the perfect response. "I wrote something hilarious, it was so funny...

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