Queen gives blessing for Meghan to marry Prince Harry

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The Queen has signalled her approval for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry Kane. Despite her recent wedding to that "Bastard" (sic) ginger grandson of...

EU to offer May reproduction of Munch’s The Scream to hang in 10 Downing...

9
The woman who believes she is British Prime Minister is to travel to Florence tomorrow to give a one date stand up performance in...
Rubbing Hands Together

British Gas CEO insists he’s only rubbing his hands together to keep warm

2
The CEO of British Gas, Sir Mork Lodges, has advised today he’s only rubbing his hands together to keep warm. The statement comes on the...

Universities to charge £4K a year for fruit picking courses to prepare students for...

38
In proposals aimed to meet the agricultural sector’s labour needs post Brexit universities will be allowed to charge up to £4K a year for...
Donald Trump

People hoping absolute power will moderate narcissistic bully

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Political analysts are speculating that now Donald Trump is leader of the free world his personality will metamorphose into that of a wise leader...

Herald life hacks: Get rich quick with… an inheritance

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Experts say this is the best way to get ahead in life It's January, which means you likely have nothing but mince pie dust in...

If anyone is going to offer stable leadership it’s us, say bolted horses

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Bolted horses around the UK have taken to social media to suggest that they could provide better leadership than Theresa May.
Furous Court

Man who voted for supremacy of British court furious about supremacy of British court

15
Brexit Campaigner Michael Gove was today looking for a new Court to be in charge of British Sovereignty as the one we have “seems to be no better than the last bunch”

Sources say DFS might be having a sale IMMINENTLY

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If you want a new sofa, pay attention, because this could save you literally some pounds. In an exclusive scoop, The Rochdale Herald can reveal...

Forensics Team called after Amber Rudd murders her career

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd sounded like your mate's racist pissed wife at a children's Christmas party during her speech yesterday. West Midlands Police have said...
British Homeopath

Woman raising 10k for spirtual journey advised to drop acid and go to park...

0
Self-titled “spiritual healer,” “life coach,” and amateur YouTuber Rebecca Gronski has started a GoFundMe page to help support her travels across the world and take on...
Bomb Squad

Suspicious package at Daily Mail confirmed as charity collection box

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The suspicious package at Daily Mail HQ is a charity collection box for Syrian refugees.  No-one is quite sure how it got there but it’s been confirmed...
Houses of Parliament

Sovereignty of Parliament is a bit over-rated, say Brexiters

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Pro-Brexit MP's have been rushing to congratulate Parliament on it's demonstration of democracy and parliamentary sovereignty today. A Government bill for Brexit was narrowly defeated...
David Davis

May’s EU deal not binding, says idiot responsible for implementing result of non-binding EU...

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The idiot whose job it is to make Brexit happen says that May's latest deal is non-binding. The latest deal, cobbled together from fudge...

Keith Vaz to chair Parliamentary Select Committee for online porn regulation

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News is reaching us from the House of Commons that Keith Vaz has been selected to chair the online porn regulation select committee. It is thought he...

Jesus to have birthday party in August

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Jesus Christ has gone on the record to say that he is absolutely sick and tired of relatives and friends buying him joint birthday and Christmas presents.

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