Local woman wins award for most middle class comment 2016
A local woman has won Rochdale's coveted "Most Middle Class Comment 2016" at a dinner party this weekend.
Barbara Dickinson was attending a dinner party...
Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes
Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's...
Jeremy C*nt to sue BBC for repeatedly getting his name wrong
MP Jeremy C*nt has accused the BBC of deliberately getting his name wrong during broadcasts, in order to publicly belittle him.
The angry parliamentary member...
Scientists confounded after man who left coat on still felt the benefit
Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.
Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood
Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six...
Burger King announce 126oz Presidential Milkshake for Trump visit
Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit...
We’re nothing like Trump Supporters insist lone wolves
Lone wolves are said to be up in arms this afternoon after CNN compared them to Trump Supporter and Canadian mosque shooter Alexandre Bissonnette.
Deranged cycle path murders his spell checker
Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker.
In a statesman, a...
Matt Hancock adds Straw Clutching to his cv as “transferable skill”
Hot on the heels of Boris Johnson's success in the Stable Door Shutting championships, the Health Secratary, Matt Hancock has added Straw Clutching to...
Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy
In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...
Happy Christmas to our Sovereign Parliament and readers
On behalf of the Daily Mail, we would like to wish all our readers a very Happy Christmas. Or if they don't celebrate Christmas,...
If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets – say NASA
American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some...
Facebook establishes Ministry of Truth
In an effort to combat the rise in fake news stories appearing on the website’s feeds Facebook is to establish the Ministry of Truth.
Employees...
Religion stupid confirms Jesus
"Religion is very stupid and the way you practice it is frankly divisive," said Jesus.
His good friend, Mohammad, agreed wholeheartedly, adding "seriously, some of...
Britain faces Sophie’s choice over which incompetent arsehole leads it
Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it.
A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the...
ISIS and UN unite to condemn So-Called Yodel Customer Services for crimes against humanity
ISIS and all the member states of the United Nations have broadly condemned the British parcel delivery firm and courier service Yodel for crimes against humanity.
