Prime Numbers

Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...

Idris Elba to play Duke of Wellington

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In what has been seen as an homage to Brexit, Idris Elba is to take on the role of The Duke of Wellington in...

Conservatives to shoot badgers until Henry VIII powers allow them to hunt with dogs...

3
Conservative MP George Eustice was allegedly out celebrating at a champagne breakfast this morning after deciding to kill a lot more badgers in order...
Hippies Hippy

Cornwall in Crisis as more middle class hippies leaving than arriving since Brexit

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Cornwall is in crisis as studies show, for the first time in a generation, more middle-class old hippies are leaving than arriving. One local, Anni...

Prominent woman to feature on new £2 banknote nicknamed ‘Lost and found’ worth one...

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The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in...

DWP declared May’s vocal cords fit for work

50
The budget statistics for the Department for Work and Pensions can often hide the raw human stories of the effects of poverty and joblessness. In...

Nigel Farage rumoured to replace Nigel Farage as UKIP leader

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Nigel Farage's successor will be announced at UKIP's Bournemouth conference tomorrow but a party insider has let slip that his replacement will be Nigel...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

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Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.
Musician

2016 maintains the Status Quo

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2016 has been everybody's annus horibilis, and it is with great regret that we announce the death of Status Quo legend Rick Parfitt. Having survived...

Red-faced Green makes pinky promise regarding blue movies

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The latest sex scandal to hit the presses involves Damien Green using pornography at work. The de facto Prime Minister-in-waiting appears to have tossed...

More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur

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Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...
The Canary Website

Why isn’t the media reporting UK government mass genocide? Asks The Canary

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The Canary has today revealed what the mainstream media (msm) won't. That the Tory led Government have committed mass genocide in a bid to...

Greta Thunberg releases Scandinavian Death Metal album.

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The music world has been surprised by the release of an album by Greta Thunberg and the Prophets of Doom, a new death metal...
Houses of Parliament

Sovereignty of Parliament is a bit over-rated, say Brexiters

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Pro-Brexit MP's have been rushing to congratulate Parliament on it's demonstration of democracy and parliamentary sovereignty today. A Government bill for Brexit was narrowly defeated...

Man fakes own death to avoid helping mum set up new iPhone

A Rochdale man has been found alive and well living in Panama after apparently faking his own death in a canoeing accident at Greenbooth...
Wasps

Wasps are little shits, confirm scientists

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After years of study, it has finally been confirmed by scientists from the Special Training Institute North Grimsby, that wasps serve no useful purpose...

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