Surprise as West Ham Fan runs 50 yards on pitch without stopping for fag...

0
It has been crowned the greatest sporting achievement at the London Stadium since the 2012 Olympics. There was shock and surprise as a West Ham...

Global Markets panic as #BoycottEverything goes viral on Twitter

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Capitalism is on the verge of a complete irreversible collapse top Economists revealed today with the entire system due to crash, burn, explode and...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

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Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...

Chequers agreement shreds itself

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Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out...

Jeremy C*nt to sue BBC for repeatedly getting his name wrong

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MP Jeremy C*nt has accused the BBC of deliberately getting his name wrong during broadcasts, in order to publicly belittle him. The angry parliamentary member...

UK Government leads world in stable door shutting contest

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The UK government has taken the lead in the worldwide contest to shut the stable door long after the horse has not only bolted...
Ross and Rachel

Chilcot Report reveals Ross and Rachel WERE on a break

8
With the kind of speed, thoroughness and ability to keep his finger on Britain’s zeitgeist that has come to be expected from him, the...
Cat

Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...

44
Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...

Government vow to provide every child with prayer mat by 2020 to promote multi-culturalism.

19
The thorny issue of the integration into society of immigrants, particularly Muslims, has been strained of late. Now the UK government has come up...
Ant and Dec

I’m A Celebrity host seen tampering with a parachute following announcement that K***e H*****s...

0
Following the shock decision to give Ms Hopkins, who has been sacked from numerous broadcasting jobs because of her wordhole, a spot on one...

Steve Bannon Torn Over Best Way To F*ck The Disabled

1
Following reports that Donald Trump will no longer repeal an Executive Order protecting LGBT rights, White House insiders have revealed that his Chief Strategist,...
Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

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Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop...
Leopard print shoes

Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes

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Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's...

Corbyn reveals election strategy, if I ignore it it’ll get better

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As Theresa May surprised the country by announcing a snap election supposed Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn was nowhere to be found. Only hours later ...

The Herald Headline Review: Today’s Sunday paper headlines in one easy read

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The Sun on Sunday leads with a report that Jeremy Corbyn was seen at the same hotel as someone vaguely related to someone who...

Pete Tong devastated after career ending snaps revealed

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Pete Tong was said to be devastated this morning after learning that his career as a top international DJ is effectively over. The former Radio...

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