Hillsborough

Hillsborough survivors reassure families of Grenfell Tower victims that justice will be swift

69
Hillsborough a fine benchmark. Reports are reaching Herald HQ that Grenfell survivors paused on their way out of the tower to loot the dead. They...
riot

Anarchists praise efficiency of German train network as G20 riots start on time

11
The German city of Hamburg is hosting the 2017 G20 summit in which world leaders come together to discuss and agree on action on...
Buckingham Palace

Donald Trump declares Buckingham Palace ‘shit hole’ and offers to pay for repairs.

1
After a petition to stop the orange Hitler visiting the Queen passed 1.7 million signatures, the tyrannical dictator offered to meet the new President...
Foodbank

Tories target youth vote by giving food bank users under 30 free Wham Bars

0
The Conservatives hope to boost the number of young people applying for party membership by offering them a free Wham Bar every time they...

World Health Organisation on standby as UK confirms youngest ever case of man-flu

0
Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.

Gap between rich and poor not an issue say rich bastards

0
The massive gap between the poorest peoples' lot and the vomit-inducing wealth of the world's richest isn't really important, insist representatives for the world's...

Theresa May to rebrand Conservatives as People’s Front of Judea to present united front...

0
Many alternative names were considered. The United Front of Judean People. This was taken unfortunately by a group lead by David Davis and Sajid Javid. Splitters!

Panic as 2015 Pence Tweet emerges stating ‘Genocide is wrong and unconstitutional’

0
The old Tweet was discovered just a day after another one of Pence's was found, also from 2015, which read 'Calls to ban Muslims...
nurses

Overpaid nurses treat Berkshire woman for injuries sustained pruning magic money tree

2
Medics at all major NHS hospitals in central London are on tenterhooks hoping to be the ones to treat a middle aged woman who...

US Government admits covering up red alert over imminent asteroid impact

0
Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's...
Bored Football Fan

Spurs reassure loyal fans with plan to be shit again by the weekend

0
Tottenham Hotspur, commonly referred to simply as Tottenham, Spurs, or a word that you really can’t use in an article these days for fear...
Local Rochdale bowls club rocked by doping allegations

Local Rochdale bowls club rocked by doping allegations

0
The Annual General Meeting of the Bamford Bowls Club was rocked by a scandal when multiple mens champion David Thrimbleton was accused of cheating by a...

That God person is a pervert say parents of transgender kids

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A primary school has become the center of a row when it taught religion to transgender pupils. St Andgreavsey's primary school faced a...
Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran receives MBE for services to blandness

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Ed Sheeran was clearly chuffed to receive his MBE for services to blandness, remarking, "I really don't know what to say, but it's a great...

Man with giant head appears on Ch4’s Grand Designs

0
A man with an unusually massive head denies he's up his own arse after appearing on channel 4s Grand Designs. The house featured the...
Theresa May

May: Difference between migrants and refugees is we don’t want either

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Theresa May has said that refugees should settle in the first safe country they come to, rather than travel through several countries, and has...

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