A man claiming to represent Argentina has allegedly phoned the British prime minister and said for £1 billion they will pretend to invade the Islas Malvinas, if that will help Theresa May stay prime minister?
The Rochdale Herald spoke to an aide to the handler of Larry, the Downing Street cat, to get an insight.
“Shortly after eleven am yesterday morning Ms May received a phone call from a man claiming to represent Argentina who said he could arrange a mock invasion of the Falkland Islands, if that would help?” claimed Barry Babs, under secretary to the office of Prime Minister, dealing in official pets, “Although, it was a little strange as he had a heavy Northern Irish accent. After making the offer he demanded abruptly that creationism be taught in British schools also, as a condition of the deal.
Under another condition of a deal labelled ‘Scratching both our backs’, it was made clear the offer was open till Saturday evening. The prime minister will need to leave £1 billion in unmarked bills in a briefcase inside a luggage store at Belfast Train Station.”
It’s believed the Prime Minister is thought to be considering the offer, given how well “a good, short and winnable war worked for the patron saint of the conservative party back in the 1980’s.”
It’s thought that no one needs to get hurt and Ms May can send the new aircraft carrier, the Duke of York, down to the islands.
The newly commissioned floating city come warship is only currently fitted out with cardboard planes for practise, so there won’t be any risk of accidental fatalities.
“It’s a great way to showcase global Britain striding into the 19th century,” Mr Babs opined, “I think she should take the deal and earn her cred back. She will do anything she has to to cling to power, why not a mock war?”
Larry the cat is also thought to be supportive of the plan and wishes it to be known the Prime Minister has the same level of full support from himself as yesterday, whatever she decides to do, he is fully behind her.