Facebook has added an “I am drunk” button to the award winning range of useful buttons on your profile page.

The button will immediately quarantine anything you add until midday the following day.

The button has been added in the hope of protecting people from job losses, relationship breakdowns and to make it easier for students to hit their parents up for cash at Sunday lunches.

“Fundamentally this is about protecting people.” A critic of social media platforms known as “Z” explained to the Rochdale Herald.

“I can no longer use my real name after I posted an image of a banana in my bum. I was drunk at the time. I knew it was a savage critic of identity politics, it seems the point was too deeply buried for most. This caused some blowback.”

The “I am drunk” button will make it all go away, if you like, before any harm is done.

And once you are sober, if you still believe your analysis of the Cuban Missile Crisis from the standpoint of butter merchant is valid, release from quarantine.

The only drawback appears to be that Facebook will still own the photos of fruit in your butt. Tally ho.