Health

The news that top scientists have established that people who drink alcohol more regularly are less likely to develop diabetes. The results found that even compared to those who are teetotal, occasional drinkers had...

In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a very messy carpet.  Rochdale Anti-Vaxxer Tarquin O'Flerfer is often in the...

Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun work on antiviral treatments. Dr Anita Slowdown explained the symptoms: "First...

High street chemist Boots have defied public pressure to reduce the price of their emergency contraceptive pill claiming it represents excellent value for money compared to trying to find an affordable family holiday during...

High Street favourite Boots has been in hot water lately over the row which arose from the response regarding the morning after pill. The situation has caused outrage among shoppers, who claim that they...

The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision. NHS spokesperson Dr Gary Tackle said, "Frankly we've never had much luck with homeopathy....

Celebrities have allegedly been explaining how the best detox is to take money from idiots. In a statement celebrity food blogger Andrew Coconut Fox said, "The best thing to do is identify a vegetable or...

Authorities in Yemen have welcomed the arrival of western homeopaths in its battle against a recent Cholera outbreak. Larisa Ahmad told us, "We welcome the arrival of western homeopaths to Yemen. They will be useful...

A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying stuff, but you really have to wonder at the sense...

As science fiction fans eagerly await the announcement from the BBC about the identity of the umpteenth actor to play the timelord, The Rochdale Herald has uncovered evidence of austerity in the licence fee...

Ground-breaking new research by Daily Express reveals Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, created a modern day plague in league with the IRA As we all know, the State is an imposition.  Taxes are theft with the...

Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...

Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average pay, according to the Rochdale Nursing Council.    "Since hospitals have...

Nurses have upped the ante with the Government by sensationally threatening to continue to act in a professional fashion in their ongoing dispute over pay. In a daring game of brinksmanship they are making a...

The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women and some pre-teeners are requesting cosmetic surgery as they are...

The Rochdale Royal Institute of Sexual Health have released the results of a study demonstrating man buns as a proven way to reduce the infection rates of sexually transmitted diseases. Prof Eyget Laid, who led...