In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O’Flerfer is reported to have a very messy carpet.
Rochdale Anti-Vaxxer Tarquin O’Flerfer is often in the news for bringing to the public’s attention the very real dangers that vaccination presents; scientific evidence dating back to the late 1700s shows a very clear link between the smallpox inoculation and being turned into a cow. More recently, independent research into effects of the MMR jab has shown a connection with mild hay fever, irritableness, a tickly, niggling cough and full blown AIDS. Thousands of happy measles, mumps, rubella, meningitis and tuberculosis suffering children nationwide will readily attest to the positive affects of not being cross-contaminated with deadly gluten in the injection process.
However, sources close to the vigilant campaigner have reported that, while ironically owning a Vax Power 5 cylinder model vacuum cleaner, he does seem a bit slack when it comes down to pushing it around a bit.
“His carpet is absolutely filthy” casual acquaintance and local snitch Maureen Ratfaeces informed us over the back of her garden fence. “it’s covered in matted dog hair, old receipts, small change, bits of plastic and food packaging; he hasn’t flicked the duster round in months, let alone got the hoover out. You wipe your feet when you leave his house, not on the way in. He’s worse than a bloody student”.
The Herald would like to make it clear that the vacuum cleaner in question is in fact a Vax model and not a Hoover as suggested by Mrs Ratfaeces, and would like to stress that our making this point clear is in no way a vain attempt to bulk out the word count for what is tantamount to a one-joke-headline into something vaguely resembling a news article. We thank you for your continued patience.