Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing his weekly bit of virtue signalling, or charity work as...

New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their next ad campaign will feature a soundtrack from 90's pop...

Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub

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It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London. Harry Anderson, a salesman by trade, was in London on...
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

11
Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said that provided men are "educated, with money, well-dressed, not funny,...
Ryanair

Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir

18
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical manifesto that promises to solve every problem instantly. A draft...

Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

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Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no one has ever heard of, announced that food banks will...

Corbyn delighted to hear of Monarch’s collapse

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Jeremy Corbyn gleefully whistled whilst spreading marmalade across his toast this morning, as a result of Monarch airline going bust, according to his neighbour. Burt Monroe, long time neighbour of the staunch republican and PM...
Mark Carney

Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...

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Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not trigger a worse recession than the financial crisis, or possibly...
Bank of England

Bank of England RAISES interest rate from naff all to fuck all

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For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates. The official bank rate has been RAISED from naff all to almost fuck all, the...

LABOUR TAX BOMBSHELL TAX TAX BOMBSHELL TAX LABOUR TAX TAX BOMB TAX!!!!!

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The entire media demanded that Labour provide a triplicated cost analysis today after it was announced that Jeremy Corbyn might be planning to put the kettle on. "Tax Fears as Labour Announce Brewtime" read the...

Legalising cannabis will raise around £1Bn in Doritos sales

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A leading think tank of financial experts claim that the legalisation of Cannabis for recreational use in the UK could generate an estimated £1Bn in the sale of Doritos alone and could have a...
Fireman

Shameless firefighters put the squeeze on hard working public officials

3
Firefighters were forced into a defensive position today after important and hardworking public officials started to show the strain of the remorseless pressure from public sector workers heckling for a pay rise. First Michael Gove...
Migration

Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...

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Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in the country's history. And it is nothing to do with Brexit. ...

Free market capitalism works says financial wizard pouring billions of public money into free...

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A party of financial wizards who can't agree which wizard should be head wizard has given a talk today on how free market capitalism works at a gathering of believers in magic. They have done...
Pregnancy

Government launch ‘Kids for Britain’ scheme to encourage teenage pregnancy to replace migrant workers...

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The Home Office is to launch an eye popping new initiative designed to compensate for the expected loss of Eastern European field workers as a result of Brexit. The scheme titled “Kids for Britain” will...

Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms

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The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway. The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing to do with Labour taking a swag of seats at...

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