Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub

It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London. Harry Anderson, a salesman by trade, was in London on...

Corbyn delighted to hear of Monarch’s collapse

Jeremy Corbyn gleefully whistled whilst spreading marmalade across his toast this morning, as a result of Monarch airline going bust, according to his neighbour. Burt Monroe, long time neighbour of the staunch republican and PM...
Ryanair

Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical manifesto that promises to solve every problem instantly. A draft...

Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no one has ever heard of, announced that food banks will...
Bank of England

Bank of England RAISES interest rate from naff all to fuck all

For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates. The official bank rate has been RAISED from naff all to almost fuck all, the...
Mark Carney

Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...

Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not trigger a worse recession than the financial crisis, or possibly...

New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their next ad campaign will feature a soundtrack from 90's pop...

LABOUR TAX BOMBSHELL TAX TAX BOMBSHELL TAX LABOUR TAX TAX BOMB TAX!!!!!

The entire media demanded that Labour provide a triplicated cost analysis today after it was announced that Jeremy Corbyn might be planning to put the kettle on. "Tax Fears as Labour Announce Brewtime" read the...
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said that provided men are "educated, with money, well-dressed, not funny,...

Legalising cannabis will raise around £1Bn in Doritos sales

A leading think tank of financial experts claim that the legalisation of Cannabis for recreational use in the UK could generate an estimated £1Bn in the sale of Doritos alone and could have a...
Migration

Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...

Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in the country's history. And it is nothing to do with Brexit. ...

Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms

The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway. The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing to do with Labour taking a swag of seats at...

Mystery void inside Great Pyramid contains plans for ancient financial scheme that’s a total...

Archaeologists announced yesterday the discovery of a mysterious void inside the Great Pyramid of Giza and that initial exploration revealed what appear to be the plans for a complex financial scam. “The hieroglyphs are initially...

Free market capitalism works says financial wizard pouring billions of public money into free...

A party of financial wizards who can't agree which wizard should be head wizard has given a talk today on how free market capitalism works at a gathering of believers in magic. They have done...
Millionaire

Tax efficient billionaires back plans to close tax loopholes for window washers and cleaners

The Taylor Review into modern working practices this week revealed an alarming tax loophole that is robbing the honest British taxpayer of billions in revenue each and every year. The loophole is not apparently the...
Pregnancy

Government launch ‘Kids for Britain’ scheme to encourage teenage pregnancy to replace migrant workers...

The Home Office is to launch an eye popping new initiative designed to compensate for the expected loss of Eastern European field workers as a result of Brexit. The scheme titled “Kids for Britain” will...

Follow us

56,830FansLike
67FollowersFollow
18,423FollowersFollow
22,193FollowersFollow

Popular Posts