For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates.

The official bank rate has been RAISED from naff all to almost fuck all, the first increase we’ve seen since July 2007.

The move is a reversal of the rate cut in August two years ago that was made after the historic vote to fuck up the economy in what some pundits now call, Bloody Stupid Thursday.

About four million households face higher mortgage interest payments following the rise, but the one bloke in the country who has more in savings than he does in consumer debt is said to be absolutely buzzing.

“I’m absolutely buzzing over this decision. I have a hundred grand in the bank that my nan left me after she died. I was making £500 a year from having it in the bank but the rate rise will see me make about double that. Can you believe it £750! For nowt. I’m rich beyond my wildest dreams.” Barney Barney, a Personal Shopper from Rochdale,  told The Rochdale Herald.

Nobody has yet explained to Barney that inflation is running at 3% a year and that his £100,000 will be worth £97,000 worth of goods and services by the end of 2018, at best.

Bank of England Governor Mark Carney has said that he expects banks will pass on the rate rise to savers and will also use the rate increase to “violently sodomise” first time buyers, anybody with a variable rate mortgage and poor people.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.