Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

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Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no...

Nurses offered choice between 10% bonus or chance to kick Jeremy Hunt in the...

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Three cheers to our beloved leader Mrs May for a delightful dilemma this Christmas. We here at The Rochdale Herald recognise we are often so...
Migration

Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...

15
Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in...
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

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Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...

ISAs claim responsibility for tax avoidance

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ISAs have today claimed responsibility for millions of pounds of lost UK tax revenue A Scottish widow looks moodily into the camera like she wants...

You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express

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Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto. “Sounds...

New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their...
Theresa May

Strong economy responsible for Sun coming up and tides says Theresa May

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All things bright and beautiful are thanks to a strong economy, says Theresa May. When asked why flowers are so lovely, she said this was...
Millionaire

Tax efficient billionaires back plans to close tax loopholes for window washers and cleaners

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The Taylor Review into modern working practices this week revealed an alarming tax loophole that is robbing the honest British taxpayer of billions in...

Average household savings wiped out by demonetisation of old pound coins under sofa cushions

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The Office for National Savings released alarming figures this morning suggesting that average household savings in the United Kingdom had been all but wiped...

UK’s employers terrified workers will stop working through their lunch hour if houses become...

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Concerns have been expressed today by the United Kingdom’s biggest employers that a house price crash will lead to a deepening of the productivity...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...

Ian Duncan Smith calls on snowflakes, losers and traitors to resolve virus problems

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Ian Duncan-Smith, MP for Chingford and Minister of Nothing-in-Particular, was speaking on Radio 5 when he admitted there were problems involved with the government's...

Mystery void inside Great Pyramid contains plans for ancient financial scheme that’s a total...

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Archaeologists announced yesterday the discovery of a mysterious void inside the Great Pyramid of Giza and that initial exploration revealed what appear to be...
Mark Carney

Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...

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Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not...

Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods

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The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district. Army...

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