New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips
The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their next ad campaign will feature a soundtrack from 90's pop...
Corbyn delighted to hear of Monarch’s collapse
Jeremy Corbyn gleefully whistled whilst spreading marmalade across his toast this morning, as a result of Monarch airline going bust, according to his neighbour.
Burt Monroe, long time neighbour of the staunch republican and PM...
Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods
The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district.
Army chiefs were dismayed to discover the source of the problem...
Average household savings wiped out by demonetisation of old pound coins under sofa cushions
The Office for National Savings released alarming figures this morning suggesting that average household savings in the United Kingdom had been all but wiped out by demonetising the old pound coins.
The new, thirteen sided...
Legalising cannabis will raise around £1Bn in Doritos sales
A leading think tank of financial experts claim that the legalisation of Cannabis for recreational use in the UK could generate an estimated £1Bn in the sale of Doritos alone and could have a...
Ian Duncan Smith calls on snowflakes, losers and traitors to resolve virus problems
Ian Duncan-Smith, MP for Chingford and Minister of Nothing-in-Particular, was speaking on Radio 5 when he admitted there were problems involved with the government's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic that will require the help...
Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub
It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London.
Harry Anderson, a salesman by trade, was in London on...
Nurses offered choice between 10% bonus or chance to kick Jeremy Hunt in the...
Three cheers to our beloved leader Mrs May for a delightful dilemma this Christmas.
We here at The Rochdale Herald recognise we are often so swift to criticise the government that you might think we...
Government launch ‘Kids for Britain’ scheme to encourage teenage pregnancy to replace migrant workers...
The Home Office is to launch an eye popping new initiative designed to compensate for the expected loss of Eastern European field workers as a result of Brexit.
The scheme titled “Kids for Britain” will...
Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms
The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway.
The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing to do with Labour taking a swag of seats at...
If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond
Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead.
"Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead are having no positive impact on productivity growth and it...
Pound Pinches Parisian Patterning – Press and Paparazzi Perplexed
Scandal hits the UK economy once again as the new £1 coin (GBP) is accused of fashion plagiarism by the Continental Euro (EUR).
Speaking via Text relay phone service to Donna Bellievitti, the €1 coin had the...
SHOCK as imaginary money not worth the paper it isn’t written on
Completely imaginary money continues to give investors an interesting ride after its value of approximately whatever we pretend it is fell by a third.
Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros
Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no one has ever heard of, announced that food banks will...
Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...
Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in the country's history. And it is nothing to do with Brexit. ...
Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money
Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money.
The report said that provided men are "educated, with money, well-dressed, not funny,...