Average household savings wiped out by demonetisation of old pound coins under sofa cushions

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The Office for National Savings released alarming figures this morning suggesting that average household savings in the United Kingdom had been all but wiped out by demonetising the old pound coins. The new, thirteen sided...
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

11
Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said that provided men are "educated, with money, well-dressed, not funny,...

Free market capitalism works says financial wizard pouring billions of public money into free...

6
A party of financial wizards who can't agree which wizard should be head wizard has given a talk today on how free market capitalism works at a gathering of believers in magic. They have done...

Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub

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It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London. Harry Anderson, a salesman by trade, was in London on...

Legalising cannabis will raise around £1Bn in Doritos sales

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A leading think tank of financial experts claim that the legalisation of Cannabis for recreational use in the UK could generate an estimated £1Bn in the sale of Doritos alone and could have a...

Ian Duncan Smith calls on snowflakes, losers and traitors to resolve virus problems

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Ian Duncan-Smith, MP for Chingford and Minister of Nothing-in-Particular, was speaking on Radio 5 when he admitted there were problems involved with the government's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic that will require the help...

Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms

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The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway. The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing to do with Labour taking a swag of seats at...
Ryanair

Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical manifesto that promises to solve every problem instantly. A draft...
Man counting money

The Man Who Broke The Bank Of England Backs Corbyn

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George Soros, the Hungarian-American Billionaire who famously broke the Bank of England on Black Wednesday in 1992, is said to be close to throwing his financial support behind Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party. ...
Millionaire

Tax efficient billionaires back plans to close tax loopholes for window washers and cleaners

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The Taylor Review into modern working practices this week revealed an alarming tax loophole that is robbing the honest British taxpayer of billions in revenue each and every year. The loophole is not apparently the...
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

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Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually be truthmongering. The surprising intervention comes as new economic data strongly...

Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

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Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no one has ever heard of, announced that food banks will...

ISAs claim responsibility for tax avoidance

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ISAs have today claimed responsibility for millions of pounds of lost UK tax revenue A Scottish widow looks moodily into the camera like she wants you to help her plan for a prudent future, her...

Nurses offered choice between 10% bonus or chance to kick Jeremy Hunt in the...

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Three cheers to our beloved leader Mrs May for a delightful dilemma this Christmas. We here at The Rochdale Herald recognise we are often so swift to criticise the government that you might think we...

You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express

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Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto. “Sounds like communisms to me,” said Eamon Inderstrete from Rochdale, “Fancy...

New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their next ad campaign will feature a soundtrack from 90's pop...

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