All things bright and beautiful are thanks to a strong economy, says Theresa May.

When asked why flowers are so lovely, she said this was down to a strong economy brought to us by a conservative government.

When asked why Sara’s new haircut was so well recieved in the office, this too was said to be only possible under a strong economy.

It was pointed out that John’s new haircut wasn’t so warmly recieved.

“Well, let’s look at what happend under the last Labour government, shall we?” said Mrs May, “Under the last Labour government John’s new haircuts were roundly insulted on a regular basis!”

The success of the Rochdale Herald was also put down to a strong economy.

“You can only have a succesful Facebook-based satirical newspaper under a strong conservative economy,” the prime minister insisted, “And you’ll note that the Rochdale Herald didn’t exist under the last labour Government!”

When asked what defined a strong economy, she said “Whatever is happening under the Tories. Just ignore the cost of things and the way your pay packet barely covers a packet of chocolate Hobnobs and the fact that nobody poorer than the Queen can actually buy a house. It’s all about things that you wouldn’t understand, because the education system is f***ed.”

Meanwhile the Labour party insists that all things will be even brighter and more beautiful once the Tories are stopped from cutting aesthetics.

The Liberal Democrat leader, whatever his name is, said that only the Lib Dems would guarantee that things would continue being bright and beautiful and would hold a referendum on whether things should be brighter or not.

The Green Party said that that artificial additives in bright and beautiful things are probably carcinogentic and once they are in government all things will be dull and holistic but better for you.