Archaeologists announced yesterday the discovery of a mysterious void inside the Great Pyramid of Giza and that initial exploration revealed what appear to be the plans for a complex financial scam.

“The hieroglyphs are initially very confusing,” head Archaeologist Prof W. Houston revealed.
“But after comparing the pictograms to known Sumerian alphabets and cross referencing with fourteenth century BC Ramses 12th dynasty Egyptian writing, which was heavily influenced by their less famous neighbours, we were able to translate the walls.”

It seems the translations amounted to a diagram of a pyramid with one very far laughing man at the top and bags of gold going upwards, but only upwards, and never going back down.

“It’s interesting that they have displayed the confusion and shock on the credulous people pictured at the base of the pyramid scheme. More interesting is how many of them appear to be reading a Daily Mail on an ancient toilet, although we are not saying there is any connection between the complex financial web and the tabloid.”

The newspaper reading people appear to be there as the “type” of person to target to successfully bring off the scam.

“But what fascinates me just as much is how in the last stage of the scheme the top man is shown flying first class to the Bahamas and never returning. Also he changed his name at this point and adopts that from a birth certificate of an individual who died in infancy.”

The serious fraud office has responded to the discovery by warning people not to invest money with anyone claiming to be a highland Scot, but clearly having a French accent.

Details of how to operate the scheme can be obtained by sending £10K to a C. McCloud, although we suggest you check the spelling of the last name first.

And remember, as with all investments, returns can fall as well as rise, unless you’re at the top of the pyramid.