Bank of England

Bank of England RAISES interest rate from naff all to fuck all

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For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates. The official bank rate has...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...

LABOUR TAX BOMBSHELL TAX TAX BOMBSHELL TAX LABOUR TAX TAX BOMB TAX!!!!!

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The entire media demanded that Labour provide a triplicated cost analysis today after it was announced that Jeremy Corbyn might be planning to put...

Mystery void inside Great Pyramid contains plans for ancient financial scheme that’s a total...

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Archaeologists announced yesterday the discovery of a mysterious void inside the Great Pyramid of Giza and that initial exploration revealed what appear to be...

Average household savings wiped out by demonetisation of old pound coins under sofa cushions

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The Office for National Savings released alarming figures this morning suggesting that average household savings in the United Kingdom had been all but wiped...

Corbyn delighted to hear of Monarch’s collapse

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Jeremy Corbyn gleefully whistled whilst spreading marmalade across his toast this morning, as a result of Monarch airline going bust, according to his neighbour. Burt...
Migration

Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...

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Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in...

ISAs claim responsibility for tax avoidance

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ISAs have today claimed responsibility for millions of pounds of lost UK tax revenue A Scottish widow looks moodily into the camera like she wants...

Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms

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The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway. The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing...

SHOCK as imaginary money not worth the paper it isn’t written on

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Completely imaginary money continues to give investors an interesting ride after its value of approximately whatever we pretend it is fell by a third.

If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond

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Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead. "Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead...

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