Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms

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The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway. The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing...

Free market capitalism works says financial wizard pouring billions of public money into free...

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A party of financial wizards who can't agree which wizard should be head wizard has given a talk today on how free market capitalism...
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

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Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...
Bank of England

Bank of England RAISES interest rate from naff all to fuck all

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For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates. The official bank rate has...
Migration

Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...

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Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in...

Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

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Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no...
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

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Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said...

Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

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Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert...

Legalising cannabis will raise around £1Bn in Doritos sales

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A leading think tank of financial experts claim that the legalisation of Cannabis for recreational use in the UK could generate an estimated £1Bn...

If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond

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Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead. "Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead...

LABOUR TAX BOMBSHELL TAX TAX BOMBSHELL TAX LABOUR TAX TAX BOMB TAX!!!!!

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The entire media demanded that Labour provide a triplicated cost analysis today after it was announced that Jeremy Corbyn might be planning to put...

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