Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

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Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert...

Nurses offered choice between 10% bonus or chance to kick Jeremy Hunt in the...

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Three cheers to our beloved leader Mrs May for a delightful dilemma this Christmas. We here at The Rochdale Herald recognise we are often so...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...

If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond

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Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead. "Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead...

You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express

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Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto. “Sounds...

Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods

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The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district. Army...
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

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Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said...
Fireman

Shameless firefighters put the squeeze on hard working public officials

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Firefighters were forced into a defensive position today after important and hardworking public officials started to show the strain of the remorseless pressure from...

Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

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Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no...

New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their...
Bank of England

Bank of England RAISES interest rate from naff all to fuck all

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For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates. The official bank rate has...

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