Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub

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It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London. Harry Anderson, a salesman by trade, was in London on...

If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond

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Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead. "Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead are having no positive impact on productivity growth and it...

SHOCK as imaginary money not worth the paper it isn’t written on

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Completely imaginary money continues to give investors an interesting ride after its value of approximately whatever we pretend it is fell by a third.

Ian Duncan Smith calls on snowflakes, losers and traitors to resolve virus problems

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Ian Duncan-Smith, MP for Chingford and Minister of Nothing-in-Particular, was speaking on Radio 5 when he admitted there were problems involved with the government's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic that will require the help...
Ryanair

Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir

18
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical manifesto that promises to solve every problem instantly. A draft...
Migration

Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...

15
Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in the country's history. And it is nothing to do with Brexit. ...
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

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Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said that provided men are "educated, with money, well-dressed, not funny,...

Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms

1
The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway. The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing to do with Labour taking a swag of seats at...
Man counting money

The Man Who Broke The Bank Of England Backs Corbyn

3
George Soros, the Hungarian-American Billionaire who famously broke the Bank of England on Black Wednesday in 1992, is said to be close to throwing his financial support behind Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party. ...
Mark Carney

Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...

0
Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not trigger a worse recession than the financial crisis, or possibly...
Theresa May

Strong economy responsible for Sun coming up and tides says Theresa May

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All things bright and beautiful are thanks to a strong economy, says Theresa May. When asked why flowers are so lovely, she said this was down to a strong economy brought to us by a...

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