Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don’t like boys but they do like cars and money.

The report said that provided men are “educated, with money, well-dressed, not funny, with not much to say in most conversations and will foot the bill in all situations” they’re less likely to be single “cause they pay for everything.”

They went on to say that “boys will laugh at girls when they’re not funny.”

It seems that girls don’t mind if it’s “Paper or plastic, they’ll have it.” This includes “vacations and shopping sprees” because these are a few of their favorite things and “they’ll get what they want if willing to please.”

The study found that this type of girl always comes with a fee, but hey now, there’s nothing for free. They even went to explain that the girls with the bodies like boys with Ferraris.

A spokesman for the IFS, Charlotte Good, explained that the findings are worrying because “All of these boys, and all of these girls are losing their souls in a material world.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.