New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips
The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their next ad campaign will feature a soundtrack from 90's pop...
Legalising cannabis will raise around £1Bn in Doritos sales
A leading think tank of financial experts claim that the legalisation of Cannabis for recreational use in the UK could generate an estimated £1Bn in the sale of Doritos alone and could have a...
Nurses offered choice between 10% bonus or chance to kick Jeremy Hunt in the...
Three cheers to our beloved leader Mrs May for a delightful dilemma this Christmas.
We here at The Rochdale Herald recognise we are often so swift to criticise the government that you might think we...
LABOUR TAX BOMBSHELL TAX TAX BOMBSHELL TAX LABOUR TAX TAX BOMB TAX!!!!!
The entire media demanded that Labour provide a triplicated cost analysis today after it was announced that Jeremy Corbyn might be planning to put the kettle on.
"Tax Fears as Labour Announce Brewtime" read the...
Austerity was just for giggles Government confirms
The Conservative government has confirmed today that austerity is over and it was just for giggles anyway.
The end to penny pinching has absolutely nothing to do with Labour taking a swag of seats at...
Bank of England RAISES interest rate from naff all to fuck all
For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates.
The official bank rate has been RAISED from naff all to almost fuck all, the...
Tax efficient billionaires back plans to close tax loopholes for window washers and cleaners
The Taylor Review into modern working practices this week revealed an alarming tax loophole that is robbing the honest British taxpayer of billions in revenue each and every year.
The loophole is not apparently the...
Ian Duncan Smith calls on snowflakes, losers and traitors to resolve virus problems
Ian Duncan-Smith, MP for Chingford and Minister of Nothing-in-Particular, was speaking on Radio 5 when he admitted there were problems involved with the government's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic that will require the help...
Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS
Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional.
His father, Robert Cratchitt, has condemned the decision, insisting his son's age and...
You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express
Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto.
“Sounds like communisms to me,” said Eamon Inderstrete from Rochdale, “Fancy...
If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond
Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead.
"Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead are having no positive impact on productivity growth and it...
Average household savings wiped out by demonetisation of old pound coins under sofa cushions
The Office for National Savings released alarming figures this morning suggesting that average household savings in the United Kingdom had been all but wiped out by demonetising the old pound coins.
The new, thirteen sided...
Strong economy responsible for Sun coming up and tides says Theresa May
All things bright and beautiful are thanks to a strong economy, says Theresa May.
When asked why flowers are so lovely, she said this was down to a strong economy brought to us by a...
Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...
Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not trigger a worse recession than the financial crisis, or possibly...
The Man Who Broke The Bank Of England Backs Corbyn
George Soros, the Hungarian-American Billionaire who famously broke the Bank of England on Black Wednesday in 1992, is said to be close to throwing his financial support behind Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party. ...
Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros
Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no one has ever heard of, announced that food banks will...
