Bank of England RAISES interest rate from naff all to fuck all
For the second time in more than a decade the Bank of England has taken the decision raise interest rates.
The official bank rate has...
Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub
It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London....
Pound Pinches Parisian Patterning – Press and Paparazzi Perplexed
Scandal hits the UK economy once again as the new £1 coin (GBP) is accused of fashion plagiarism by the Continental Euro (EUR).
Speaking via Text...
If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond
Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead.
"Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead...
Strong economy responsible for Sun coming up and tides says Theresa May
All things bright and beautiful are thanks to a strong economy, says Theresa May.
When asked why flowers are so lovely, she said this was...
Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money
Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money.
The report said...
Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...
A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank.
Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...
Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...
Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in...
Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test
Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...
Corbyn delighted to hear of Monarch’s collapse
Jeremy Corbyn gleefully whistled whilst spreading marmalade across his toast this morning, as a result of Monarch airline going bust, according to his neighbour.
Burt...
Shameless firefighters put the squeeze on hard working public officials
Firefighters were forced into a defensive position today after important and hardworking public officials started to show the strain of the remorseless pressure from...
Tax efficient billionaires back plans to close tax loopholes for window washers and cleaners
The Taylor Review into modern working practices this week revealed an alarming tax loophole that is robbing the honest British taxpayer of billions in...
Mystery void inside Great Pyramid contains plans for ancient financial scheme that’s a total...
Archaeologists announced yesterday the discovery of a mysterious void inside the Great Pyramid of Giza and that initial exploration revealed what appear to be...
Legalising cannabis will raise around £1Bn in Doritos sales
A leading think tank of financial experts claim that the legalisation of Cannabis for recreational use in the UK could generate an estimated £1Bn...
Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...
Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not...
Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods
The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district.
Army...
