Mark Carney

Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...

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Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not...

Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods

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The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district. Army...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...

Corbyn delighted to hear of Monarch’s collapse

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Jeremy Corbyn gleefully whistled whilst spreading marmalade across his toast this morning, as a result of Monarch airline going bust, according to his neighbour. Burt...

New Canesten ad campaign to be fronted by The Flaming Lips

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their...

Government insists food banks rebrand as Universal Credit Bistros

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Today, at a press conference in the champagne bar of the Astor club in Pall Mall, David Gauke, the work and pensions secretary no...
Theresa May

Strong economy responsible for Sun coming up and tides says Theresa May

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All things bright and beautiful are thanks to a strong economy, says Theresa May. When asked why flowers are so lovely, she said this was...

Free market capitalism works says financial wizard pouring billions of public money into free...

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A party of financial wizards who can't agree which wizard should be head wizard has given a talk today on how free market capitalism...

Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub

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It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London....

Pound Pinches Parisian Patterning – Press and Paparazzi Perplexed

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Scandal hits the UK economy once again as the new £1 coin (GBP) is accused of fashion plagiarism by the Continental Euro (EUR). Speaking via Text...

You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express

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Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto. “Sounds...

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