Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery
With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that...
Trump threatens military action against ‘rocket man’
President Trump used his recent address to the UN Security Council to threaten ‘rocket man’ Sir Elton John, who he accuses of attempting to...
All contestants to win The Apprentice this year
The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the...
Skeletor still ‘pretty buff’ for a skeleton
Men's Health Magazine today announced its annual Top Ten Fittest Male Celebs list with actor, recently elected DUP MP and self proclaimed evil overlord Skeletor...
McVitie’s and Walkers crisps back plans to decriminalise cannabis
Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis.
Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class...
MPs & Celebrities injured in stampede to be the most offended
MPs have described the 'hysterical' moment they were crushed in a desperate stampede to be the most righteously indignant and offended.
Mike Backbencher - MP...
Meat Loaf isn’t dead
Apparently Meat Loaf isn't dead and has a new album coming out, on account of still being alive.
The big breasted Fight Club singer apparently...
Clarkson hater not bothered about GT success
A writer for a satirical news site recently spent a lot of time saying that Jeremy Clarkson and Co's new Grand Tour show was...
Bruce Forsyth’s inheritance to be shown on conveyor belt for family members to remember
If the children of the late Sir Bruce Forsyth wish to inherit his estate, they must remember the individual parts of it that they...
Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home
Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year.
In a telephone call Mr Assange told us,...
George Michael dead after ‘giving away’ 33rd heart
The 80’s pop sensation, 90’s cop-bothering loiterer and noughties stoner George Michael sadly died at home 'peacefully in his sleep.'
The Wham! front man was...
Ban on new celebrity Chefs
The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic.
It...
Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter
Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late...
Fatboy runs away from the Ball
The worlds biggest celebrity couple, Ball and Slim, have sadly announced they are to divorce after 18 years of party-hard marriage.
Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets
Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...
Tommy Robinson announces plan to launch Ceefax page
Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and...
