Issue I keep reminding everyone of hurting my reputation, says Cliff
Cliff Richard, the long term bachelor and non-nonce, who our lawyers remind us isn't gay either, has been talking to the tabloid newspapers about...
‘Human Ken Dodd’ reveals inspiration behind unique look
After undergoing five surgeries, changing his name by deed poll and buying a feather duster, there's no denying that Barry Conroy now bears more...
That famous bloke from that thing has died, aged 86
That guy from that thing, you know the thing, the thing with the other guy that died, has passed away following a long battle...
Trump threatens military action against ‘rocket man’
President Trump used his recent address to the UN Security Council to threaten ‘rocket man’ Sir Elton John, who he accuses of attempting to...
Rochdale Christmas light turn on will be a Britain First
This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul...
Trump Admits ‘I’d Actually Prefer Snowden To Farage’
President-elect Donald Trump revealed today that although he had expressed a preference for Nigel Farage as UK ambassador to the USA, this was a...
Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film
His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga.
Warning: contains spoilers
Shooting began today for the latest...
Peter Pan of Pop Peeves Proud Populace
Cliff Richards recently learned that South Yorkshire Police will not be pursuing historic sexual abuse claims against him, but he hasn't escaped the wrath...
Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society
Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn...
James Corden to star in Paul Nuttall biopic
International media sensation, corpulent bearded sex symbol and father of the year, James Corden is to take the starring role in a planned new...
Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech
Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...
Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes, to appeal to middle aged white men
A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's...
Ban on new celebrity Chefs
The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic.
It...
Nation Ecstatic As Dapper Laughs Finally Disappears Up Own Arse
Finally some good news! The nation was overcome with emotion today as positive confirmation came through that sexual assault based 'comedian' and professional pick...
Comic Relief to be just Michael McIntyre and a bunch of Russells in future
The BBC announced today that all future Comic Relief events will simply be Michael McIntyre and people called Russell running around and doing observational...
Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery
With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that...
