Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery
With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that...
Martin Roberts Demands Recount.
Property botherer and dreadful chef Martin Roberts has demanded a recount following his failure to be elected President of the Jungle in this year's...
Civil rights group shocked after Ant McPartlin sentenced to watching Britain’s Got Talent
Prisoners' rights group, Liberty, protested against the harsh treatment of Ant McPartlin in a strongly worded text to The Rochdale Herald today after the...
Meat Loaf isn’t dead
Apparently Meat Loaf isn't dead and has a new album coming out, on account of still being alive.
The big breasted Fight Club singer apparently...
Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant to release cover of Louis Armstrong’s Nobody Knows The...
Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant, a large Ficus Lyrata Bambino, is to going to release a seven inch cover of the 1921 classic “Nobody...
David Cameron disappointed history will not judge him by his shed
David Cameron was seen seeking the comfort of his many inherited bank accounts this afternoon after a wounding and very personal setback.
The event appears...
Shock as Pudsey Bear arrested just one hour before Children in Need goes live
The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need...
Tommy Robinson announces plan to launch Ceefax page
Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and...
God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite
Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act.
It comes after the...
Man who says negativity causes cancer sues HBOS for fraud
A quiz show presenter who asked a cancer patient if it was possible his ill
health is caused by your negative attitude has announced he...
Nation Ecstatic As Dapper Laughs Finally Disappears Up Own Arse
Finally some good news! The nation was overcome with emotion today as positive confirmation came through that sexual assault based 'comedian' and professional pick...
Tom Hiddleston does a runner.
Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift...
Some bloke from the 90’s announces his “new name”
Some bloke that you sort of remember from the 1990's but you can't really remember why has stepped up his irrelevance by announcing a...
All contestants to win The Apprentice this year
The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the...
Happy Ed Balls Day
You know that feeling: the kids rush into your room at some ungodly morning hour and excitedly demand to know, “Has he been? Has...
Failure To Recognise Ant And Dec Improves Corbyn’s Ratings
All the hard political questions have now been thrown at Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith in their hustings, including asking if they recognised Ant...
