Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn wins prestigious Tony Blair peace prize

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Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it. The prize...

Santa under pressure to explain unfair listing system

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The popular dispenser of Christmas gifts, Santa Claus, has come under pressure today to explain the process behind the compilation of his Naughty and...

Terror in the skies over Manchester airport!

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There was panic and pandemonium on a Jet2 flight to Rhodes yesterday morning when the editor of The Rochdale Herald, Quentin Q Fortesqueue, realised...

Twitter explodes after banning racist for racism after warning him not to be racist...

The social media platform Twitter is going bonkers today after permanently banning a user for inciting an abusive racist attack on a fellow Twitter...
Castle in woods

Icons of children’s entertainment to take refuge for the rest of 2017

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Children’s authors, presenters and actors are seeking hiding places for the rest of 2017, the Rochdale Herald has learned. This year has seen, in very...
John Noakes

John Noakes to be buried in coffin he made earlier

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The late John Noakes, it has been revealed, made his own coffin in preparation for his death. Exactly when he did this is not...
Fauxtrage

Fauxtrage as Woman Responds Rationally to Death of Celebrity

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A woman has rationally told a few friends, in person and not on social media, that she was sorry to hear about the death of a famous film star.

Government To Implement National Treasure Preservation Scheme

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Downing Street has just announced that it intends to implement a ‘National Treasure’ preservation scheme, in a bid to avoid any further British legends...
Ant and Dec

Ant McPartlin forced to have Anti-Drink-Driving Billboard attached to Forehead as Punishment for DUI

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London, England- Embroiled host Ant McPartlin will be hosting something new. While waiting to see what the final outcome of his DUI arrest, Ant...
Knobhead

Knobhead calls knobhead knobhead

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Renowned knobhead Liam Gallagher has snubbed famous knobhead James Corden by refusing to appear on his TV show Carpool Karaoke. Gallagher, who is currently touring...

Meat Loaf isn’t dead

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Apparently Meat Loaf isn't dead and has a new album coming out, on account of still being alive. The big breasted Fight Club singer apparently...

Hollywood blockbuster may not feature Benedict Cumberbatch

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Controversy struck Hollywood today when news broke that a new high budget movie might not feature Bendable Cramplebitch. "2017 is a brand new year," said...

Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

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Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year. In a telephone call Mr Assange told us,...

Cheryl Fernandez-Versini is pregnant!

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Possibly... The female reporters at the Herald have been watching Cheryl Fernandez-Versini's tummy with quivering anticipation. And now we can exclusively reveal that 33-year-old Cheryl,...
George Michael

George Michael dead after ‘giving away’ 33rd heart

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The 80’s pop sensation, 90’s cop-bothering loiterer and noughties stoner George Michael sadly died at home 'peacefully in his sleep.' The Wham! front man was...
Gerard Butler

Hollywood bimbo Gerard Butler says it never occurred to him that injecting bee venom...

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Hollywood bimbo, Gerard Butler has been hospitalised with anaphylactic shock his agent has revealed. Butler, injected 13 vials of bee venom in an attempt to...

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