Following squeaking chubbalub unfunnyman James Corden’s desperately misjudged and humourless attempts at making light of sexual assault, professional shortarsed twat and frontman of puzzlingy successful pop group, The U2s – Bonio – has offered to give the portly borefest advice on dealing with being universally loathed.

‘The majority of people in the UK have been aware that Corden is a self-congratulatory arse licking bellend for years now’, said the miniature moron, ‘but now the world is waking up to the fact he’s a detestable shitbiscuit that has been tolerated for far too long’, he wibbled on.

‘I’ve a great deal of experience being an arsewitted buffoon who unites > people in mutual disgust’ continued the pint sized prick, ‘and I thought I should help this colossal arsegrape through what could be a difficult time. The trick is to completely ignore all rational criticism of yourself and simply continue to make everyone want to punch you in the face every time they see or hear you’.

Industry insider Ana Lyn Trusion pointed out ‘Bongo has been a pisswhiffling shrunken cocksleeve for decades now and is in a perfect position to show that high pitched bin bag of faeces Corden how to deal with the trappings of being detested by entire countries of people’.

The Herald reached out to Corden for his take on the offer, but he was too busy giggling at one of his own pathetic attempts at a joke to comment.