Celebrity

82 year old legend, and the only man currently able to wear a Fedora without looking like an absolute twat, Leonard Cohen has announced that he is ready to die. Although not in any actual...

An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove has been cast as Tick-Tock, Theresa May as Captain Hook...

Hollywood power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, better known as 'AngRad' have announced they are to divorce after 12 years together. Spokesman and agent for the pair Alfonso Bertolli said; "They just couldn't make it...

Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it. The prize recognises Mr Corbyn's contribution over 20 years to the Northern...

President Trump used his recent address to the UN Security Council to threaten ‘rocket man’ Sir Elton John, who he accuses of attempting to develop nuclear weapons which could reach the mainland United States....

Government officials in Colombia have issued warnings of a double dip recession following the death of former "it girl" Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Former socialite and darling of the tabloids Palmer-Tomkinson was found dead in her...

The trio who recently opted out of any future appearances on Great British Bake Off after its acquisition by Channel 4 announced the news earlier today. The decision stangely coincides with the news that the...

Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of people from a wide range of areas across Britain.  One insider...

The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the final episode to meet with its inclusive fairness policy. A change...

Fears are growing for the safety of shiny mannequin Peter André, after he failed to appear on the cover of this month's OK Magazine. Concerned readers had to make do instead with an...

Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis. Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class B drug to a totally legal drug. A McVitie's spokesman,...

With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement from television. The national treasure told the Herald today; "I've had a...

Victoria Beckham's aspirations to become really "posh" were finally realised when it was announced that she will be awarded an OBE in the New Year's Honours List.

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting. The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...

All the hard political questions have now been thrown at Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith in their hustings, including asking if they recognised Ant and Dec, the loveable TV personalities (it says here) from...

Following squeaking chubbalub unfunnyman James Corden's desperately misjudged and humourless attempts at making light of sexual assault, professional shortarsed twat and frontman of puzzlingy successful pop group, The U2s - Bonio - has offered...