National News

Britain's new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, was commissioned today in Portsmouth. The new carrier is at the cutting edge of British warship design and incorporates many features designed to make bombing civilians considerably easier....

Ketamine dealers nationwide have moved to distance themselves from Katie Hopkins, it has been confirmed. The news came following the upholding of a complaint by the Independent Press Standards Organisation made by Hopkins into recent...

The Queen is afraid of the orange mess Trump will make during his visit.  The President of the United States, Donald Trump wants to meet the Queen of England. Queen Elizabeth II really does not want...

As 'The Beast From The East' takes a firm hold across the UK, KFC have announced that it is overrun with chicken as no punters can make it to their outlets due to awful...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has revealed that the Irish border issue can be easily and practically solved using time travel. Rees-Mogg revealed the plan today in a speech to the European Research Group. "The Irish border issue...

A council in the North of England is absolutely confident that this is the year that they have bought enough grit to salt the roads and keep the traffic moving over the weekend. "It's apparently...

The Duke of Edinburgh has strenuously denied sending Prince Harry and Megan Marckle a toxic package. The parcel was left on Harry and Megan's doorstep on Wednesday night. A Palace aide said, "Harry and Megan...

Following the news that Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a bouncing baby boy, speculation is rife regarding the name the House of Windsor will announce. With an official announcement yet to be forthcoming,...

A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a "Black Bastard" was actually a term of endearment where he...

The Rochdale Herald has learned that the Football Association have taken the unprecedented step of cancelling the 2018 FA Cup final. The move comes after it was revealed that Prince Harry's wedding will be on...

Many people are unaware that their bodies won't tolerate Luton. But being Luton sensitive shouldn't stop you from living a healthy, happy life. Whilst there are several Luton-related disorders, none of them should stop...

Anglo US relations have reached their lowest ebb since 1812 when British Force burned down the White House after members of the Royal Family were pictured protesting Trump in London. The Queen was pictured holding...

A pig headed Southern man has reduced his negative opinion of the north by 0.00000001% after spending a delightful weekend in Heckmondwicke. Southerner Paul Thatcher-Wright, who based all his opinions of the north on 5...

In an official statement released within the last few minutes, the Home office has apologised 'unreservedly' for deporting 'the wrong sort of brown people'. The apology comes in the wake of the ongoing Windrush scandal,...

A middle aged man has today made another middle aged man aware that he doesn't like him by standing outside the man's home and yelling at his 11 year old child. Bill Board tracked Jacob...

A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with new therapy. Mike Smith went to the toilet this morning and...