The Duke of Edinburgh has strenuously denied sending Prince Harry and Megan Marckle a toxic package.

The parcel was left on Harry and Megan’s doorstep on Wednesday night. A Palace aide said, “Harry and Megan were settling down for an evening of Netflix and chill. There was a knock on the door. A lackey was summoned to see who it was but all he found was a putrid package on the doorstep.”

The police were called shortly after and very quickly confirmed the package was in fact a racist toxic parcel.

An aide said, “Harry’s furious. He knows it’s the Duke but needs evidence. He’s contacted Jeremy Kyle and they’re going to do a DNA test. Harry will then confront the Duke on the show.”

It’s alleged that other members of the Royal Family have been involved too. Prince George allegedly told the Duke, “You upset my uncle. My daddy’s the King and he’ll have you killed.”

It’s alleged that Harry and Megan will appear on a special of the Jeremy Kyle show with other members of European royalty. It’s alleged that two minor members of the Luxembourg royal family will discover if they’re actually brother and sister. That segment will be called, “If this test proves you’re not my cousin I’ll not marry you.”

The Duke of Edinburgh was contacted for comment by the Herald. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to comment as he was away insulting foreign dignitaries.

Instead we interviewed a swan but the swan was unable to impart anything other than his name being Jeff.