Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) has revealed that he was thrown out of the SAS for being too good.
Mr Farage MP (just kidding) was speaking during his LBC radio show during which he announced he is writing his memoirs. H said, “My memoirs will cover my time as part of the SAS before I was thrown out for being too good. For instance, during selection I tabbed all the way round Wales whilst the rest of the squad climbed Pen-Y-Fan. They knew I was good then but they didn’t find out how good until the war started.”
Mr Farage MP (just kidding) went on, “During the war I was attached to the helicopter squadron. I was sent on a mission to kill Hitler. Churchill asked me personally to do it. The Navy offered to take my by submarine to the French coast and I would travel by train to Berlin. I of course thought this plan was terrible. Instead, I swam from Shannon. The reason being that I didn’t want to be seen by U-Boats so I swam to Canada first, traversed Canada and swam from Vancouver to Port Arthur. After that it was just a case of going across Russia and fighting my way through enemy lines to Berlin. After taking over 600,000 prisoners I broke into Hitler’s bunker and killed him with a rare Kung-Fu death chop that only 4 people in the whole world know how to do. Don’t ask me to demonstrate as I wouldn’t want to kill you.”
One listener rang in and told Mr Farage MP (just kidding) he was lying. Bill Board told Mr Farage that he was a member of the SAS in the 1950’s and had met several veterans of the war. None of them ever mentioned him.
Mr Farage MP (just kidding) responded, “Where Mr Board was based at the barracks in Hereford I was stationed at a special SAS base in Scotland that only consisted of 5 people who were the elite of the SAS. Officially, we didn’t exist and the other 4 are dead now.”
It’ alleged that Mr Farage may not be able to write his memoirs though as he is still bound by The Official Secrets Act. Following the interview Farage was seen hurling a kettle over LBC’s studios.
