National News

Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week. Prisoners in Siberian Gulags are expecting excessive lots of weather that can't quite...

An absolute arsehole is blissfully unaware that everybody thinks he's an arsehole. Dave Bloke, 42 and a bit from Rochdale, somehow still thinks people like him despite the fact that he's a complete arsehole. "It's amazing...

Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

Pontypandy fireman, Fireman Sam has again denied having ever met Norman Price on more than 3 occasions. The denial comes amidst growing calls for the Welsh Police Service to investigate corruption in the town. Allegations...

The Women's Institute are lobbying  the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor. Recent changes bought in by the medical watchdog, MHRA, mean Viagra can now...

Haulage and motoring groups were raising concerns this morning over driverless lorry tests on motorways, citing the results of the ongoing driverless country test. Transport Really Research has won the contract from government to carry...

The future of the British monarchy, American Meghan Markle, has successfully negotiated her first official public engagement as she absolutely nailed walking slowly and waving at people. Crowds of people gathered out of morbid curiosity...

In a bid to balance the left leaning opinions of Mayor Magid Magid, Sheffield City Council have unveiled a new road in the south of the city which has been named after Right-Wing commentator,...

  Emergency services were called to a barbecue at a property in northern Lancashire this afternoon after dozens of women came over "a bit funny" after seeing a man cooking food on a barbecue. Several ladies...

There was a relief for a family on the wrong side of the Pennines this afternoon, as a man with a debilitating terminal illness was finally given the right to die after a court...

A family pet in North Yorkshire has jumped to the conclusion that he is about to go for a walk after his owner crossed his legs on the sofa while drinking a cup of...

GMP Saddleworth were last night were conducting a full manhunt, as the spate of gender neutral snow beings being cruelly desecrated with a carrot penis and coal testies continues unabated. Helicopters were recalled from a...

A bloke with a tattoo of a skull on his neck has done really, really well in a job interview today. Harvey Wallbanger, 22, from Rochdale had applied for a job as a cashier in...

Jeremy Corbyn today strenuously denied having pineapple on the pizza he shared with Assad Supporting, Genocide Denier and all around Russian puppet Marcus Papadopoulos. Despite repeated photos appearing of the offending pseudo-Hawaiian culinary insult,...

Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) has revealed that he was thrown out of the SAS for being too good. Mr Farage MP (just kidding) was speaking during his LBC radio show during which he announced...

Britain's new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, was commissioned today in Portsmouth. The new carrier is at the cutting edge of British warship design and incorporates many features designed to make bombing civilians considerably easier....