National News

A 25 year long study of the people who habitually buy and use BMW 3 series has concluded that they are usually "unbearable bellends." Previous studies have shown that some BMW 3 series owners had...

With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country. Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, and David Davis were spotted walking...

Dominic Raab is due to meet Michel Barnier for an intense 6 hours of being told to fuck off after asking for all the same things the Government already asked for but in a...

The bank of England and Royal Mint announced today that the new pound coin that entered into circulation this week is made using the blubber of baby seals. After much controversy from vegans, and middle-class...

Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally. Previously well respected veteran broadcaster, John Craven, was issued with a fixed penalty...

There was an awkward meeting this morning when an assistant to the Prime Minister had to explain to her what a joke was. This occurred after a school child attempted to tell May a knock-knock...

Professor Emeritus of Southern Studies at the University of Leeds, Joe Roots, confirmed in his opening lecture of the 2017/18 academic term that: “London is right full of wankers, I’ve been, I’ve seen.” The lecture was...

This week MPs have debated in parliament for the commission of a statue to commemorate the former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. The original proposal of a metal bust, worth £300,000 was voted down in parliament....

Icon, n. A person or thing regarded as a representative symbol "'Back and Blue - Brits will get their iconic dark blue passports back after Brexit, ministers reveal today - in a stunning campaign victory...

A Scotsman has been telling people of the dawning horror that he still lives in Kirkcaldy. A reporter for The Rochdale Herald Scotland edition said, "He's not sure how he got home. He woke up...

After a quick survey of Buckingham Palace on Thursday, 38 year old builder, Barry Burford reportedly said; "Well, there's the pointing, supplies, man hours, that boiler needs ripping out...." A member of the royal househould staff,...

Posh fop-headed press gob and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has defended the countless insults and faux pas he has made by claiming that each and every one was taken out of context Just in what...

Three days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People in Local Papers, BFNN and Tuckered to buy presents for...

A fire that has gutted a branch of Primark in Belfast has destroyed £5.50 worth of stock. Primark manager, Shaughn O'Shaughnasseigh told us, "This fire is devastating. Our entire stock has gone up. That's over...

Dominic Raab has announced he's resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision. Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, "I've spent 5 months trying to negotiate Brexit and all I've...

Today Marine B was quietly reflecting on the time he shot a badly wounded prisoner of war in Helmand. No one else ever heard about it because he remembered not to fucking film it. It's not...