Dominic Raab has announced he’s resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision.

Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, “I’ve spent 5 months trying to negotiate Brexit and all I’ve managed to do is fall behind with my GCSE revision. To be honest, all those press confrences you’ve seen of me with Michel Barnier are a sham. They were all filmed in Islington. I used to turn up, do the conference then go and do my convection current homework.”

Mr Raaaab now intends to spend Christmas completing his crucial course work on volcanoes. His tutor told us, “His big issue is the really general stuff. The other day he thought he’d found Albion on the map but it turned out it was just Warrington. He still doesn’t believe Greece exists and is sure I’m making up China. He keeps asking how something can exist on such a flat Earth.”

It’s alleged that Mr Raaaaab will go on a back-packing adventure following the completion of his studies later next year. A source told us, “He’s already got his ticket booked to Croydon and the other day I caught him looking up McDonald’s branches in Dieppe and Newhaven.”

Mr Raaaaaab quit the Cabinet earlier today following a disagreement over a Brexit deal that he was in charge of negotiating. He said, “I’ve had a long sit down with myself and collectively I’ve decided I hate the deal and think it is rubbish. As such, I’ve resigned due to the poor deal.”

 

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.