Book

Modern Day Presidential latest euphemism for complete and utter numpty, say linguists

As Humpty Dumpty said, "When I use a word, it means whatever I want it to mean." Clearly in a world of self-reductible horseshit, where it is acceptable to proclaim "Brexit means Brexit" and...

Trump Replaces White House With Blimp

President Donald Trump took to the skies over Washington today in a giant, orange blimp. The President is believed to have made the decision in keeping with his campaign promise to never stop surprising...
Leopard print shoes

Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes

Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's taste in footwear. The cult singer/ guitarist was reported to have...
Putin White Denim

Putin to sing ‘This land is my land’ at Eurovision tonight

Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled "This land is my land." The Rochdale Herald can reveal that the song...
Protestors

Democratic Democrats protest against anti-democratic democracy

Protesters smashed windows and turned violent in Oregon and a few other places last night. “Trump is anti-democratic!” yelled the crowd protesting against the man who recently won an election, “And his hair is shit!” Jesse...
Christmas

Only 350 High School Shootings left until Christmas

Children across the United States of America were very excited to learn this morning that it's now officially only 350 school shootings until Christmas. With it being February, it's not remotely close to that time...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...

Trump says he didn’t sexually assault 3.52 billion other women

Bewigged bouffant buffoon, Donald J. Trump, an actual potential president, made the claim at his latest rally. The tiny handed eater of souls came under heavy criticism for a string of alleged sexual offensives from...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Trump defuses “alt facts” row by appointing Humpty Dumpty as Secretary of State for...

US President Donald Trump today moved to defuse the smouldering row over the 'alternative facts' presented by his media counsellor Kellyanne Conway, by appointing fictional Alice-Through-the-Looking-Glass character Humpty Dumpty to the newly created post of Secretary of...
Donald Trump

White House desperately concealing news of Twitter character increase from Trump

The twittersphere is in overdrive this morning with millions of users tweeting out their hope that the White House is able to conceal the news of the doubling of the character limit from President...

Oh,For f*ck’s Sake Most Commonly Used Phrase Of 2016

Oh, for fuck’s sake said everyone this morning, following reports of more people dying at the hands of total arseholes.  After news broke of the murder of 12 people at a Christmas market in Berlin,...

Satire Is Officially Obsolete, Satirists Announce

Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed. A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017, satire is dead." Satire has been called obsolete in the past,...
Guns

Why does this keep happening, asks country selling guns without doing background checks

A country who sells weapons over the counter to anybody who wants one is stumped at how it can be home to so many fatal shootings. This country has the highest number of gun fatalities...

Anonymous declare war on ISIS for 4657th time.

The group Anonymous have today declared war on ISIS for the 4657th time. A spokesman for the group said, "ISIS should prepare for a fate worse than death. We will strike your social media accounts. The...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named Fission Chips, after the rogue state’s illegal nuclear weapons programme...

ISIS win the war by leaving passports at home

America, Russia and the United Nations admitted defeat earlier today and proclaimed ISIS the winners of the global holy war. President elect Trump has already Tweeted that America will be building 68,000 new compulsory mosques,...

Follow us

56,830FansLike
18,423FollowersFollow
23,128FollowersFollow

Popular Posts