Donald Trump

People hoping absolute power will moderate narcissistic bully

Political analysts are speculating that now Donald Trump is leader of the free world his personality will metamorphose into that of a wise leader with great vision and understanding of viewpoints other than those of...

Governor of Puerto Rico seeks Theresa May’s advice on how to rule an island...

The Governor of Puerto Rico, Jorge Aliouet sent an urgent appeal to Prime Minotaur Theresa May tonight. The island of Puerto Rico has been devastated by Hurricane Marie and the biggest problem is that the...
Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to piss off in person

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, is due to meet with Theresa May later today to spit in her face and tell her to piss off in person. Theresa May is said to be very excited...

Haiti sends aid to holidaymakers whose trip to Disneyworld was cancelled

Heartwarming news reaching us from Haiti today after they'd heard that Amanda Bangor and her family from Norden had their trip to Disneyland cancelled because of hurricane Matthew. The Haitians first heard of their heartrending plight on...

We tried democracy and Franco-ly it’s not for us, Spanish government tells voters

The Prime Minister of Spain has told voters that democracy isn't for them and it refuses to recognise the result of a referendum on Catalonian independence. Catalonia, which is Spain's answer to Scotland, has...

OJ Simpson appointed White House press secretary

Tongues are wagging in Washington today over what seems too convenient for coincidence as OJ Simpson is rumoured about to be appointed as Sean Spicer’s replacement as press secretary. The resignation of Sean Spicer appears...
Kim Jong Un

Kim Jong Un claims he is six months away from being able to launch...

In a further act of provocation, North Korea says it has conducted yet another controversial social message test. The claim was bellowed out over the regime's single television channel by an announcer, standing without a...
Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.   This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft. General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...

NEWSFLASH – Trump withdraws from Election

On the eve of the US Presidential Election Donald Trump has dramatically pulled out of the running. Don Trump, 58 and owner of Streamline Taxis on the Oldham Road in Rochdale, has announced that he...
Donald Trump

If it wasn’t for these pesky bone spurs I’d have stopped shooter myself, says...

Actual real-life President of the United States Donald Trump told a press conference earlier today that if it wasn't for the debilitating bone spurs in his heels he would have personally prevented the massacre...

Trump and Kim Jong Un to meet on Love Island

A rearranged summit between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un will take place on Love Island.  The news comes amid speculation that a high ranking military official from North Korea is visiting the US in...
Donald Trump Jnr

Donald Trump denies links to Donald Trump Jnr

Donald Trump has denied ever meeting Donald Trump Jr. The denial comes after it was revealed by Trump Jr that he had met Russian Natalia Veselnitskaya at Trump Tower and they had discussed incriminating information...
Gun held in front of American flag

Fatal logic feedback loop kills five more Americans

America has once again been proved right as yet another mass shooting takes place in shopping mall and nobody armed inside could shoot the shooter. The tragic news that at least 5 people have been...
Royal Navy

Royal Navy ordered to kill any f*cking Frenchman who so much as looks at...

10 Downing Street has ordered the Royal Navy to kill any f*cking Frenchman who so much as looks at a British fish. The order has been issued from the executive to coincide with the UK's...

Trump rushed to John Hopkins with severe burns

Donald Trump is said to be in a stable but critical condition this morning after being rushed to hospital suffering from self inflicted third degree burns to almost half of his body. Fact checking website...

Christmas moved to November 12th

Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The decision was taken soon after Bumberling Boris decided to flex...

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