President Trump has indicated his strong interest in buying Greenland from the Danish. The move has shocked US analysts as it comes just weeks after a national security summit where Trump had insisted on enhanced protections against the “Green” menace.
The Herald understands that Trump, not entirely inaccurately, believed Greenland to be the home of “Green” opposition to climate change. At the summit, Trump accordingly called for a redoubling of scuba-enabled guard dogs patrolling the Labrador Sea.
But all that has changed. We understand the President overheard an intern with a geography degree referring to Greenland as the “biggest, whitest, island on Earth,” and since then has been captivated by the project. Upon learning that the US previously purchased the Virgin Islands from Denmark, the President’s interest solidified.
“The bigliest island on the planet, is in fact white. So white. So big. The biggest. So a deal with the US makes sense. The Danish have sold many great things to the US. Some of the greatest. Pastries. Virgins…” announced the POTUS to a rally shortly before his microphone cut out.
We understand Danish reaction to the proposal was also muted. The Danish Foreign Affairs Minister laughed for a solid five minutes, before finally managing to say “oh, it’s because I’m called Ane Lone Bagger isn’t it, I know what he’s like with names, he’ll think that means I take bribes,”
“Who does he think we are, that our people would be for sale?”.
After a further bout of laughter, asked if Trump had perhaps confused Denmark with the UK.