Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a rock, paper, scissor handshake test.

The world’s media were watching and so were we via TV.

Both presidents are said to have largely neglected governing their respective nations since Trump’s inauguration.

The reason being the awareness that sooner or later they would have to face each other in public and would be forced to put on a display of competitiveness.

Separate sources inside the White House and the Kremlin informed the Rochdale Herald that they had agreed on a show of rock, paper, scissors to dissuade the world from the belief that they had colluded to give Trump an electoral edge.

It’s alleged the Russian ambassador to the USA has even spent a full day riding up and down the golden lift in Trump tower in NYC just practising how it was to go down with Trump.

“Something has gone very wrong in the planning stage.” Our source said.

“Vladimir told Trump they had to make the first handshake look like a rutting bull test.
To this end Trump was supposed to throw down a stone and Vladimir was going to go at him with paper. Donald was told a rock would tear a paper.”

The working theory is that Donald couldn’t remember the instruction, in spite of having practised, because it wasn’t part of a Fox News entertainment special featuring a screaming critique of former President Obama.

“We should have gone for something safer.” The source suggested. “Like small, tactical nuclear strikes in an Arab state?

Anything but a complex task like remembering to be a rock.

Donald is going to have to make amends now. Presumably by doing something brutal like signing an executive order giving sanctions on Russia a rest.”