In a move that is likely to further raise tensions on the Korean Peninsula, China has announced that it will no longer sign for North Korea’s Amazon deliveries.
The measure is one a range of UN sanctions brought in to punish Pyongyang for its recent missile tests. North Korean officials are said to be furious with the Chinese, especially since discovering that their nearest Parcel Collection Centre is at an industrial estate on the outskirts of Reading.
“The Imperialist US and its allies will never defeat our Righteous Leader, or frustrate his glorious efforts to make the most of his Amazon Prime membership,” said one high-ranking official. North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, is said to have thrown an “almighty tantrum” upon discovering that his most recent order – believed to be the Game of Thrones boxset, a Hello Kitty phone case, and the components for an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile – had been returned to the delivery depot because no-one had heard the doorbell.
The South Korean news agency, Yonhap, has reported that packages have already started to pile up behind a bin on the North Korean border, and Russia has reportedly been signing for parcels but then leaving them under its neighbour’s doormat.
“To be honest, once the initial furore has died down, I can’t actually see this causing the regime too many problems,” said North Korea analyst, Simon Maithers.
“Most of the shit you buy from Amazon is made in China anyway, so there’s nothing to stop them just crossing the road and buying it direct.”