10 Downing Street has ordered the Royal Navy to kill any f*cking Frenchman who so much as looks at a British fish.
The order has been issued from the executive to coincide with the UK’s decision to withdraw from all and every international agreement agreed since WW2 to stop countries killing each other over matters that were once judged not serious enough to keep killing each other over.
Frenchmen in particular have been warned to be exceptionally respectful of British fish from today. To avert their eyes no matter how tempting the imagined mouthful.
Even looking at the ENGLISH channel with a pair of binoculars from a sand dune in Calais could find a high explosive shell dropped on a Frenchman’s head now that we have, wait for it,
TAKEN BACK CONTROL OF THE SEA!
The Royal Navy is to send its Harrier Jets across the channel to airdrop leaflets along the French coastline today informing the French that,
‘We are prepared to use Trident to defend Whitby Scampi – You have been warned.’
When asked why they were only warning the French about our willingness to use a multi-million pound weapon to protect a few quid of scampi and not the Germans too, the Ministry of Defence replied,
“We have to be sensitive of family relations at the top.”
An aide to the Prime Minister also spoke about why Frenchmen are being targeted in particular.
“Because Brexiters really dislike Frenchmen. It’s hard to overstate how much some bumbling public schoolboy who got bummed all the way through secondary school by other more confident public schoolboys dislikes a Frenchman’s sexual confidence.
Get a man like that into high office and watch out Frenchies!”
Other nationalities to be warned especially are the Irish, both of them.
“The Irish need to watch out too. They keep trying to steal our horses and now they’re stealing our fish. We know they’re thieves. Brexiters know this. Everyone else is too thick to realise it. But we’ve kept our beady eye on them!”
The Royal Navy has been further instructed to prepare for a swollen intake of fresh cheeked recruits to scrub the decks as the Ministry of Defence has been ordered to buy one extra ship to patrol the entire coastline of the United Kingdom.
And in an added show of defiance, a group of UKIP supporters have set up a giant billboard at Dover informing Europe,
BIG BOOMS IF YOU TOUCH ARE SKAMPI! WHERE KEEPING ALL THE SKAMPI FOR ARE SCAMPI FLAVOURED FRYS!
The end. Of everything probably, given enough time. Don’t be sad though. You are in control.