National holiday declared as USA goes 6 days without mass shooting
This is the closest to a full week that the US has gone without a mass shooting since 'The Great Week of Peace' in...
Gun reform fever sweeps America after social media backing for ELC mandatory insurance bill
After millions of tweets by gun lobbyists, alt righters and other winners at life, Congress has responded with draft gun reform proposals.
Some...
Donald Trump: DNA test finds ‘strong evidence’ of human DNA
US President Donald Trump has revealed that a DNA test shows "strong evidence" that he is distantly related to human beings.
He took the test...
Donald Trump shits on White House floor after learning Obama uses toilets
News is emerging this morning that Donald Trump has started defecating on the floor like a dog after learning that Barack Obama uses toilets.
Several...
ISIS withdraw from Iraq after Blair’s return to politics announcement
Tony Blair yesterday announced that he intended to fill a massive hole and that after that he'd return to British politics.
In an interview he...
Trump condemns dead soldier for not standing during national anthem
President Donald Trump has rebuked allegations of inappropriate comments made by the grieving widow of a US soldier today by pointing out her husband...
Anonymous declare war on ISIS for 4657th time.
The group Anonymous have today declared war on ISIS for the 4657th time.
A spokesman for the group said, "ISIS should prepare for a fate...
Singing Ringing Tree to be felled for post-Brexit firewood
Britain's exit from the European Union is set to spell the end for some of the country's best loved children's TV programmes, it was...
Toymaker confesses he made Melania Trump to keep Pinocchio company
A Tuscan toymaker has ended days of speculation by confessing he made a new female doll to keep his infamous, lying, long nosed boy...
Oh for F**k’s sake – say world leaders following Trump nomination
Leaders around the world let out a simultaneous sigh of despair last night as the Republican Party confirmed Donald Trump's presidential nomination.
In yet another...
China celebrates start of the year of the rat with a plague
China is marking the start of the year of the rat with a global plague outbreak.
As spokesman told us, "We wanted a way of...
Trump demands phone number for Ghostbusters after being visited by three spirits
President of the United States of America, Donald Trump is demanding to know how to get in touch with the Ghostbusters, it has been...
DUP ask Merkel for one billion Euros to give her their support in Bundestag
News broke this morning that the Northern Ireland political party, the DUP, has demanded one billion euros from Angela Merkel in order to support...
Campaign to send 58 million toffee pennies to Syria
Overseas aid charity, Feed the World, has launched a campaign to collect everyone's unwanted Christmas 'treats' and send them to Syria and other war-torn...
Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods
Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement.
"I've been thinking about...
Mayor of New Orleans accidentally summons Donald Trump after saying ‘Hurricane’ five times
Mitch Landrieu, the Mayor of New Orleans has told has told us that he inadvertently summoned Donald Trump to New Orleans.
The Mayor said, "I...
