Russia urges foreign powers not to meddle in their U.K. elections

The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other countries meddling in the UK elections. How can...

Denmark offers to buy America from Russia

Mette Frederiksen, the Prime Minister of Denmark has reportedly expressed an interest in buying the Russian controlled territory of the United States of America. Rich in natural resources and fuckwits the territory covers...
Pope and Trump

Pope Officiates At Funeral For US Democracy

There was not a dry eye in the house today as Donald Trump, and the special ladies in his life, attended the funeral for American democracy held in the Vatican. When you're the President of...

Intrepid British journalists discover tribe of foreigners who don’t let each other die in...

The British media world was stunned today by the discovery of a tribe of non-British humans who actually attempt to save each other after natural disasters. To listen to the thrilled and condescending tones of...

Trump Replaces White House With Blimp

President Donald Trump took to the skies over Washington today in a giant, orange blimp. The President is believed to have made the decision in keeping with his campaign promise to never stop surprising...

All your medals belong to us – Says China

As the country basks in the glory of Team GB's second place in the Olympic medal table, China released a press statement saying, "The People's Republic of China wishes to congratulate the British team for...
Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.   This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft. General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...
Donald Trump

Trump to play 25 rounds of golf in honour of Texan dead

Donald Trump has defended a decision to play 25 rounds of golf in Japan saying it's in honour of the dead in Texas. The gesture came as another mass shooting in America, took the number...

Saying racists shouldn’t say racist things is racist against racists, Trump tells Democrats

Donald Trump has taken Twitter to defend the rights of racists across America to say and do really racist things. "Racists are a minority just like blacks, gays, wops,...

RH Exclusive: Excerpt from phone call between Turnbull and Trump

Here at the Rochdale Herald, we’ve managed to get a world exclusive. It’s the leaked transcript of the conversation between President Trump and Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, of Australia. Here is an excerpt. Good morning,...

King Joffrey to perform Iain Duncan Smith knighting ceremony

Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith's Knighting ceremony. A Palace spokesman said,...
Ivanka Trump

Donald Trump’s penis not bigger than Kim Jong Un’s, confirms Ivanka Trump

Sources close to the President have confirmed that Donald Trump's willy is not bigger than Kim Jong Un's. It is being reported around the world in the mainstream media that top White House aide Ivanka...

China celebrates start of the year of the rat with a plague

China is marking the start of the year of the rat with a global plague outbreak.  As spokesman told us, "We wanted a way of celebrating that would really grab the attention. Fireworks...

Child struggling with his job watches a kid with a lawnmower

A child struggling to do his job took time out of his day to watch a kid push a lawn mower at the White House the other day.
White House Nativity

White House Christmas card to feature Donald Trump high-fiving the Ku Klux Klan’s Imperial...

The White House's official 2017 Christmas card will feature President Donald Trump high-fiving the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, a spokesperson confirmed today. Bearing the message, "We're dreaming of a white Christmas," the...

I’m nothing like Steve Bannon – says Darth Vader

Darth Vader took to Twitter today to distance himself from "that evil bastard" Steve Bannon after Bannon compared himself to Darth Vader, Thomas Cromwell, Dick Cheney and Satan.

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