Donald Trump arrested for vandalism after smashing own star

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News broke a short while ago that Donald Trump's celebrity star had been smashed to bits on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A Mexican man...
Donald Trump

Actor playing Donald Trump forgets stage directions

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Due to White House budget cuts, an experienced but cheap actor was selected for the part. Bit part "character actor" Rowle Player is best...

Theresa May summons devil to discuss Syria

The prime minister has summoned the devil to discuss the government's response to a suspected chemical weapons attack in Syria. They are expected to discuss...
Obi Wan Kenobi

‘What happened on Alderaan was terrible but I condemn the violence done by all...

7
Obi Wan Kenobi, under pressure from Yoda and other members of the ghost Jedi Council to condemn the destruction of Alderaan, has issued a...

Latin America overdoses on Irony as CIA complains Russia rigged US election

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Thousands of people are feared dead in Central and Latin America this week after literally laughing their heads off at the news that the...
Hurricane

State of emergency declared as Hurricane Dorian heads towards rich white people

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Category 4 hurricane 'Dorian' has caused devastation throughout the Bahamas this week. The hurricane has broken previous records of longest sustained category 5 status and...

Trump tells California to use prostitute piss to put fires out

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POTATUS has offered to use Government money to harvest the piss of some Russian prostitutes to douse the fires in California. A spokesman said, "POTATUS...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in...

Mexico Offers to Purchase Channel Tunnel Following Brexit

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A Mexican conglomerate has offered to purchase the Channel Tunnel when Britain formally leaves the European Union. Juan Tunnelsunda, CEO of Tunnels 2 US, a...

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka...
Freddie Mercury and Brian May

Britain First drop ‘We Will Rock You’ theme on learning Freddie Mercury’s Indian heritage

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In a documentary about the life and death of Freddie Mercury, which recently aired on the biffer TV network, Channel 5, it was pointed out...
Farage

So Mr Farage, what first attracted you to the white supremacist sympathising billionaire Donald...

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That was the question that Nigel Farage was asked by TV interviewer Mrs Morton and Mr Farage MP (just kidding) obliged like never before. Mr...
French Military

French Head of Military resigns after Macron cuts £1bn from White Flag Budget

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General Pierre de Villiers today sensationally quit as Head of the French Military in a row over cuts to the French White Flag budget. General...
Nuttall

Paul Nuttall admits to FBI he passed US nuclear secrets to Russia

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Paul Nuttall has sensationally admitted to the FBI that he passed US military secrets to Russia. In a statement to the FBI Mr Nuttall admitted delivering...
Donald Trump

All options on table including surprise missile attack on Tuesday, Trump tells Syria on...

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Actual real-life president of the United States of America Donald Trump has tweeted that Russia and Syria should get smart and expect a surprise...

Trump rushed to John Hopkins with severe burns

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Donald Trump is said to be in a stable but critical condition this morning after being rushed to hospital suffering from self inflicted third...

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