Julian Assange

Julian Assange wins FSB employee of the month

Julian Assange has explained that he is happy to be awarded FSB's employee of the month for July award. The Russian secret service organisation said in a statement, "Wikileaks and Mr Assange have been most...
Gigantic Sky Penis

US Navy confirms gigantic sky penis ‘not aimed at any particular President’

US Navy officials have said that the penis drawn in the sky by one of their pilots using a fighter jet's contrails was absolutely not directed at "any particular President." The giant penis was drawn...

Climate Change is a hoax insists Texan on a raft

Despite his trailer having flooded and all his possessions being lost to water damage, defiant Texan, Ray "Buckeye" McCready is travelling around his home state on a makeshift raft to convince others that climate change is a hoax.

Small bald man held for questioning over fairground disappearance of six children

Police have arrested a small bald wizard in connection with the unsolved disappearance of six children between the ages of 8 and 15 at a fairground in 1983. The...
Rock Paper Scissors

Trump and Putin fail to beat each other in two hour long rock, paper,...

Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a rock, paper, scissor handshake test. The world’s media were watching and...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Coal prices spike on news of Katy Hopkins’ incineration

International coal prices have jumped to $120 a tonne, their highest since 2011, following news that a British court has sentenced Daily Mail columnist and professional right wing bigot, Katy Hopkins to be burned...

Meryl Streep to sing Golden Shower of Hits by The Circle Jerks at Trump...

Meryl Streep has offered an olive branch to US President-elect Donald Trump following their Twitter spat earlier this week.
Putin White Denim

Putin to sing ‘This land is my land’ at Eurovision tonight

Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled "This land is my land." The Rochdale Herald can reveal that the song...
Sergei Lavrov

Kremlin accuse American spooks of lying to Trump

The Kremlin has accused America's security services of treasonous behaviour after Lavrov's love in with Trump. A spokesman for the Kremlin released the following warning to Americans. "These so called national security services you have, they are...
Trump Toilet Seat

President Trump ‘leaves toilet seat up’ claims explosive new book

Washington has been shocked by a controversial new book which claims that, on occasion, President Trump forgets to put the toilet seat down. The provocative claim, drawn from Michael Wolff's new work Fire and...
Christmas

Only 350 High School Shootings left until Christmas

Children across the United States of America were very excited to learn this morning that it's now officially only 350 school shootings until Christmas. With it being February, it's not remotely close to that time...

Luftwaffe didn’t tell Hitler about every bomb dropped, just sayin, Spicer tells press corps

Sean Spicer has put rumours to rest that Hawkish generals in the United States military are deploying military assets without Presidential authorisation. "Look I know it's been a shitty week for comparing stuff to Hitler...

Donald Trump commemorative jigsaws to have missing pieces by design

The White House has confirmed that the new range of Trump jigsaw puzzles, commemorating the President's achievements in office, are deliberately missing several pieces. The release of the puzzles is timed to capitalise on Trump’s...

Turning Trump off and on again doesn’t seem to have done any good

The White House Head of IT has expressed his heightened concern that the Presidency could be heading for a critical outage. Head of IT Maurice Moss explained his concern today that White House bandwidth has...

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