President-elect Donald J Trump has announced a groundbreaking and cutting edge technology to combat the growing menace of conspiracies facing the US.
He is well known for saying that global warming is a scam perpetrated by China to suppress wealth producing industrial production in the West. The problem is that, to get all the climatology academics to fabricate the evidence and write all the fake scientific papers published on the subject, then China must have been controlling the minds of the vast majority of them over the past half century. Now Trump claims this has been achieved through secret “thought beams”.
“I know what China has been up to. Global warming is obviously a fake, so obviously a fake, folks. But we know how to stop them, heh heh! I’ve been protecting myself for years using gold in my penthouse, but now I’ve discovered that tin foil works fine too! Heh heh! I wrap it round my head and those crafty Chinese can’t control my thoughts anymore with their lizard beams heh, heh, heh, heh!
For added effect I’m keeping my curtains shut and foiling them up too! When I take office Donald J Trump will be issuing and personally signing official state tinfoil hats to send to all US state personnel and university egg-heads. Heh, heh, heh, ha ha ha, heh heh!”
A reporter at the announcement asked him about how he would be combating chemtrails and fluoride in the water supplies, to which he responded,
“NASA SHILL! We all know the Earth is flat globetard!”
Shortly after the announcement, stocks in the Chinese state owned Aluminium mining conglomerates rallied at the news.
