Buckingham Palace has refused to confirm rumors that the Queen will greet Donald Trump with a narwhal tusk during his visit to the UK this week.
A Palace insider told us, “You’d think there wouldn’t be that many around but it turns out that the Queen has loads. At least 8 of them were donated by people who have used them in an effort to ward off Prince Andrew. The others were donated during state visits. The Queen is still pretty nimble on her feet so shouldn’t have much issue fending POTATUS off. It comes from years of driving around with the Duke of Edinburgh. Plus, she’s not afraid to fight dirty.”
“During the war the Queen was a member of an elite unit of Polish forces that would wander round Europe fighting Nazi’s with narwhal tusks. This makes it the perfect way of greeting POTATUS. We’ll just tell him it’s an ancient dance that Winston Churchill used to do.”
It’s alleged that during Mr Trump’s visit he will be given a dinner in his honor at the Woking branch of Pizza Express. A Palace insider said, “We had considered giving him a dinner at the Palace but to be honest, that’s the equivalent of taking a Gorilla to the Tate Modern. Pizza Express will be a much better choice as it means he won’t need to master cutlery to eat there.”
There were rumors that POTATUS would meet Prince Andrew during his visit. Both men share a keen interest in golf and have many mutual friends but the US Ambassador to Britain doesn’t think there will be time. They are however, alleged to be in touch as there is the possibility that they will be living together in the future.