Donald Trump has ordered the closure of Area 51 and the immediate expulsion of all aliens. 

During a turbulent conversation with The Galactic Emperor, which Mr Trump tweeted as “the worst yet”, he also demanded the return of all US rednecks abducted by Aliens since 1963.

Mr Trump described the existing arrangement as “dumb”. The agreement, to allow the free abduction of alcoholic rednecks for use in traumatic anal probing experiments in exchange for X-Box gaming technology and a rubber alien costume for the NASA Visitor Centre, was due to run for another 12 parsecs.

However, the agreement now seems in tatters as The Galactic Emperor reportedly hung up on Trump.

The Galactic Emperor reportedly said “Fuck it; we’re off to China….perhaps they would like the next first-release of Grand Theft Auto instead……”

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