Yemeni Children

Screw Yemeni kids we make loads of money selling smart bombs to the Saudis...

It's absolutely fine that the UK supplies Saudi Arabia with the weapons that they are using to murder Yemeni children, Theresa May has told critics, because we send a few quid, some blankets and...
Donald Trump

Trump in hiding as NRA call for curb ‘on rapid fire tools’

DONALD TRUMP is believed to be in hiding tonight after the National Rifle Association called for a clamp-down on “rapid fire tools”. This has been widely taken as a reference to the constant stream of...

Steve Bannon Torn Over Best Way To F*ck The Disabled

Following reports that Donald Trump will no longer repeal an Executive Order protecting LGBT rights, White House insiders have revealed that his Chief Strategist, Steve Bannon, is now conflicted about the best way to fuck...

Oscar winning director Jonathan Demme dies aged 73

Oscar winning director Jonathan Demme has died aged 73. Filmmaker Jonathan Demme, whose Oscar-winning thriller "The Silence of the Lambs" terrified audiences and introduced one of the most indelible villains in movie history, has...

Leave campaigner forced to abandon argument after forgetting what Brexit means

Panic today as vocal anti-EU campaigner, Dennis Pigwater, forgot a crucial piece of his argument during an online debate. Dennis, 58, from Rochdale, was engaged in his favourite pastime of debating politics on social media...
Swiper

Swiper named as Map Safety Ambassador by UN

The World Health Organization (WHO) has appointed Swiper, the thieving rodent, as a "map safety ambassador" to help tackle dangerous map use. New WHO head Dr Telemundo Random-Gibberish praised Mexico for its commitment to map...

Statue Of Liberty To Be Deported

America's creepiest uncle, State Department Obergruppenführer Steve 'Steve-O' Bannon confirmed today that steps were being taken to deport 'dangerous subversive' the Statue of Liberty.  "Ms Liberty is originally a French national and the French let...
Alex Jones

Alex Jones discusses the Trump presidency

Good evening. Today I am speaking to Radio host and Bacofoil and batshit salesman, Alex Jones.  Good afternoon, Alex. How are you feeling after Trump's rather unexpected election? "Well, Zsalty, I tell ya, I am walking in...
Bob Geldof

Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...

London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin. Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays very little tax whilst complaining about how countries treat their...

Aung San Suu Kyi surrenders Freedom of Dublin refusing to share the honour with...

Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi has given up her Freedom of the city of Dublin in protest at sharing the distinction with Bono, it has emerged. She was awarded the status on an honorary...

People attending reading of Hefner’s last will only doing so for the articles

Various well known public figures, and nobodies, have announced today they intend to be at the reading of Hugh Hefner’s last will and testament, but only for the legal articles, not, they claim, to...
Red Hat

Angry terrorist given away by distinctive red hat

An angry teenager with the mental age of an eleven year old suspected of international terrorism offences has been arrested because he was wearing a distinctive red hat that matched one captured in CCTV...
Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax

Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at a rare public appearance as a guest of Dave Chappelle...

President Trump to ‘grab May by the pussy’

Donald Trump may touch the UK prime minister's vagina in their first private meeting, the president has tweeted. The straw-haired misogynist wrote, "Excited to meet the UK's PM today. We're going to talk about a...

Farage takes on Eurovision

In a shock move today, the rubber faced, racist, people's champion Nigel Farage has announced his intentions to represent Great Britain in next year's Eurovision Song Contest . Herr Farage, who has been a long...

Mugabe is a Hologram

The Herald was startled today upon  learning that Zimbabwean President Robert Gabriel Mugabe is nothing more than an elaborate attempt to convince people that he still exists. Mugabe, who is reported to have died several...

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