Nuttall Claims Best Actor At Oscars

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Armenian born British Actor Constantine Felangi, better known by his stage name of Paul Nuttall, seized the coveted golden statue for Best Actor at the Oscars last night. The award, given for Nuttall's provocative portrayal...

Trump orders 700 billion pieces of LEGO

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The President Elect reportedly ordered a vast amount of the interconnecting bricks earlier today. LEGO CEO, Jørgen Vig Knudstorp, said; "Obviously we are thrilled to recieve our biggest ever order of LEGO and this can...

CIA to dumb down intelligence briefings

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The U.S. Director of National Intelligence (DNI) Dan Coats, announced on Sunday that they will be cutting down the president’s daily intelligence briefings to a maximum of 140 characters using a private Twitter account. According to White...
Putin Appraisal

Putin gives Trump “requires improvement” rating during annual appraisal meeting

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Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin have sought to deny allegations that President Trump has been awarded a, "requires improvement" rating during his first one year appraisal meeting. The pair met during a meeting of Asian...

Trump nothing like Hitler. Hitler wasn’t fat and bald say experts

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Historian's have said that Donald Trump is nothing like Hitler as Hitler wasn't fat and bald. Stan Still said, "A lot of people have been saying that Donald Trump is like Hitler. His attempts to...

Bill Clinton Finally “Boss of Me” after Hillary Loss

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Bill Clinton will finally get to be “the Boss of Me” after Hilary’s stunning loss in the US Presidential Election.
Time Magazine

Trump joins Time Magazine “Person of the Year” club

In a move in keeping with the utter shit show that has been 2016, Time Magazine has named the orange baboon Donald Trump "Person of the Year". Other notable recipients of the award include Adolf...
Cyclist in rain

Prize boffin apparently unaware of weather

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The winner of this year's Dyson James Dyson Boffin Admired By Dyson's James Dyson Award, is Isis. No, not the naughty middle eastern twerps, a boffin whose name is Isis Schiffer. Ira, sorry I mean Isis,...
Donald Trump

Germany to face sanctions for failing to help US during D-Day landings

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Donald Trump has today announced a huge package of far reaching sanctions against Germany after discovering that Germany failed to help the US during the D-Day landings. The sanctions will take effect on...

US announces National Police Shooting League

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Excitement is mounting in the United States ahead of the launch of the National Police Shooting League. 20,000 law enforcement agencies will be competing for the coveted title of Most Lethal after the Federal Government...

Trump credited with restoring American faith in Bush

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Donald Trump has been given credit for restoring America's faith in Bush. One Bush expert told us, "10 years ago American faith in Bush was at an all time low. It was a dramatic loss....
Mechanic

‘The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a car, is a...

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"You want this sort of thing to happen less often? You don’t need to ban cars, you need to ban piece of sh*t, Nazi-sympathising, race-hating, white supremacist assh*les from marching through city streets with burning torches," said one Antifa protestor.
Hot dog

G20 Crisis as Trump eats hot dogs in Hamburg.

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President Donald Trump caused outrage in Hamburg, Germany today, eating hot dogs and apple pie and drinking root beer all flown in with him on Airforce One.    President Trump is in Germany to...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

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The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed. Ishit Yu Not, a 33-year-old North Korean doctor with a gun to his...

Da Vinci’s ‘My Spunky Pantaloons’ sells for £45m

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A previously unknown Leonardo da Vinci work "My Spunky Pantaloons" has been bought bought by Charles Saatchi for £45m. The jizzy kecks will be displayed as part of a new exhibition at the Saatchi...

Liam Fox Seeks Trade Deal With ISIS

International Trade Secretary Liam Fox will fly into Iraq later today in the hope of securing a trade deal with the so-called 'Islamic State'. Fox is due to meet IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi in...

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