In the wake of the Leaders debate on the BBC, it has been alleged that lib dem leader Tim Farron was paid a substantial amount by PG Tips to make his closing remark.

Farron took the opportunity to mock Amber Rudd, who stood in for the PM, in his final statement saying “why bother listening, go make a cup of tea.”

Luke Howtheytalk, a Subconscious speech analyser, contacted the Herald moments after the BBC debate was over.

“I’d started noticing speech patterns from Farron all the way through the debate. After his closing statement I found myself in the kitchen looking for a tea bag when it hit me; I don’t drink tea and I don’t even have a kettle!”

“Well, I played the recording and I started scrutinizing. Soon I had it; If you slow it down you can hear Farron putting in classic PG Tips slogans as subconscious messages ‘this election is about all of us, you, me (and a cup of PG)’ and ‘Do your bit (put the kettle on).”

Initially the Herald took this information with a spoon of sugar; then we realized the entire editorial and journalist staff were crammed into our mediocre sized office kitchenette. Our investigative journalist looked into the Liberal Democrat’s donors and believes he found substantial amounts given by Unilever, the owner of the tea brand, although this is only speculation.

We have contacted both Mr Farron and Unilever for a statement.

‘PG tips? More like Propa Ganda tips.’

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.