It has emerged that President Donald Trump and Breitbart Chief Steve Bannon have apparently arranged to wrestle naked on the White House South Lawn for the leadership of the alt-right movement.
According to a statement on the dark web, they agreed that their differences had become ‘insurmountable’ and that naked wrestling was the only way to resolve them ‘with the dignity and decency that the alt-right deserve’.
The contest will take place next Sunday, when Vice President Mike Pence is in Church and thus unable to stop what he regards as an abomination to God. The two men will start ten paces apart, and then ‘have at each other like wild dogs’ until only one remains standing.
It has been agreed that scratching, hair pulling and making references to scary ethnic minorities will not be permitted.
Russian President Vladimir Putin is expected to officiate, after the original judge fell ill with radiation poisoning after consuming Polonium 210 in mysterious circumstances.
The fight is likely to be especially difficult on those who are close to both Trump and Bannon, such as skint, single, 53 year old former UKIP leader Nigel Farage. Farage has admitted to being ‘devastated’ by the falling out, which he compared to having your parents split up.
It is understood that in addition to leadership of the alt-right the winner will also receive custody of Mr Farage.